The X-rated bible : an irreverent survey of sex in the scriptures
Print Book, English, 1999
Rev. and updated ed View all formats and editions
Feral House ; Turnaround, Venice, Calif., London, 1999
260 pages ; 23 cm
9780922915552, 0922915555
222618505
The X-Rated Bible
An Irreverent Survey of Sex in The Scriptures
By Ben Edward Akerley
Feral House
Copyright © 1998 Ben Edward Akerley and Feral House. All rights reserved.
ISBN: 0-922915-55-5
Contents
Introduction........................................................XIPreface.............................................................XXPrologue.........................................................XXIIIPart One Incest: Implied, Single, Double and Multiple 1. In the Beginning Was Incest...................................1 2. Amnon Rapes His Sister Tamar..................................3 3. Lot Knocks Up Both His Daughters..............................7 4. Absalom's Defiant Act of Multiple Incest.....................10Part Two Sexual Pollution 5. Onan's Fatal Orgasm..........................................13 6. Wearing the Rag..............................................17 7. Doing the Nasty..............................................21 8. Wet Dreams and Wanking (Spanking the Monkey).................22 9. The Clap and Other STDs......................................24 10. Eve's Curse Fulfilled.......................................26Part Three Homosexuality 11. Lot Thwarts a Gay Mob Assault in Sodom......................32 12. David's Questionable Love Affair with Jonathan..............36 13. The Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name......................39Part Four Rape: Solo and Group 14. Reuben Rapes His Father's Mistress..........................45 15. Shechem, the Rapist, Loses His Foreskin and His Life........46 16. The All Night Gang Bang.....................................50Part Five Adultery: Attempted, Real and Forgiven 17. Potiphar's Wife Hits on Teen Hunk Joseph....................56 18. King David Commits Both Adultery and Murder.................58 19. Cast the First Stone........................................64Part Six Indecent Exposure, Group Sex and Exhibitionism 20. Noah Gets Drunk and Exposes Himself.........................68 2l. The Israelites Revel in a Pagan Orgy........................70 22. King David Flashes His-Royal Penis..........................74Part Seven Nudity and Striptease 23. Prophesying in the Nude.....................................79 24. Salome Strips for King Herod................................80Part Eight Prostitution (Secular and Sacred) and Phallic Worship 25. Judah Patronizes a Disguised Hooker.........................83 26. Rahab, the Favored Madam of Jericho.........................88 27. Jehovah Commands Hosea to Marry a Whore.....................93 28. Christ Converses with Two Women of Ill Repute...............95 29. Eli's Horny Sons...........................................100 30. Hung Like a Jackass........................................103Part Nine Abortion, Pregnancy by Proxy, Sex Drugs and Husband-Swapping 31. Jehovah's Penalty for Inducing an Abortion.................113 32. Hagar, the Baby Maker......................................114 33. Jacob's Fertility Contest..................................118Part Ten Circumcision of the Living and the Dead 34. Jehovah's Foreskin Covenant................................123 35. Moses and the Flying Foreskin..............................132 36. David Circumcises Two Hundred Philistine Corpses...........134Part Eleven The Lowly Status of Women 37. Bizarre Tests for Adultery and for Virginity...............138 38. Jephthah Offers His Daughter to Jehovah as a Human Sacrifice......................................................143 39. The Female Hand That Fondles Shall Be Cut Off..............145 40. Two Major Wife-Kidnapping Expeditions......................147 4l. Virgins as Spoils of War...................................150 42. Woman Was Made for Man.....................................154Part Twelve Catology, Bestiality and Castration 43. Jehovah's Anal Fetish......................................161 44. Forbidden Intimacies with Animals..........................169 45. Self-Castration, the Supreme Sexual Sacrifice..............170Part Thirteen Illegitimacy, Celibacy and Virgin Birth 46. Pity the Poor Bastard......................................175 47. An X-Rated King Solomon for Kids...........................176 48. Paul, the Compulsive Celibate..............................177 49. The Immaculate Deception...................................184Part Fourteen Sexual Betrayal 50. A Honeymoon with the Wrong Bride...........................190 51. Abraham and Isaac, Two Double-Dealing Pimps................193 52. Foxy Delilah Double-Crosses Superstud Samson...............197 53. King Ahasuerus Ditches Queen Vashti for Esther.............203Part Fifteen Sexual Potency and Rejuvenation 54. Gideon Sires Seventy-One Sons..............................207 55. Solomons Thousand and One Women............................207 56. King David's Revival with Female Body Friction.............208Part Sixteen In Praise of Love 57. Ruth Propositions Boaz and Shacks Up Overnight in a Barn...........................................................212 58. Solomon's Steamy Song of Love..............................215Part Seventeen Devil Sex and Witchcraft 59. Cohabitation with Devils...................................220 60. Witches, Wizards and Familiar Spirits......................221Epilogue...........................................................223Afterword..........................................................224Biblical References................................................226Index..............................................................230