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up these words to heaven with strong I go to hell by the gates of heaven? cries and tears: O that it might yet and here I found Mr. Howe's “Rebe the accepted time, that it might yet deemer's Tears" of unspeakable use be the day of salvation ! O the piti- to me; I bless God that I ever saw able groanings of my wounded spirit! that book, it proved a mighty presermy watery eyes, from morning to vative of hope, and kept me from night, my pale cheeks, my ghastly sinking down in despair. looks, my weak and trembling joints I was now sensible that none but spakè out to all, the unfeigned depths Christ could comfort me: so I gave of my spiritual distress.
myself unto prayer; never so well as Now would these scriptures strike when alone at prayer ; I was much in me through, Prov. i. 24, “ Because I secret, wrestling with God : wherever called and ye refused, I stretched out I went, and whatever I did, still my my hand and ye regarded not, I also soul was earnestly pleading at the will laugh at your calamity, and mock throne of grace, always in a praying now your fear is come; now you may frame, but still I thought I was void call, but I will not answer; you may of all faith; and though through carseek me early, but you shall not find nal fear and shame, frightened by me.”
Satan's temptations, I could never Once having been harrassed by the unbosom my distress to any one ; yet devil all the day long, I sat down at by the assistance of the Spirit I had night, and taking the bible into my that humble freedom and holy boldhand, I cast my eye upon Jer. xv. 4, ness given me, that thereby I often “ Then said the Lord, though Moses strengthened my weary soul in my and Samuel stood before me, yet my bitterest agonies; hither had I remind could not be towards this peo- course continually, from whence Saple; cast them out of my sight, and tan's most desperate assaults could let them
go forth :” these were cutting never drive me. words ; I received them as if the Lord Much about this time, I heard that had said respecting me, ' I'll hearken Mr. W. P- faithful minister of to no terms, I cannot be reconciled to Christ, was in town, which exceedhim; my soul abhors him ; cast him ingly revived me, intending to go and out of my sight.' And I think the make known my condition to him; very next morning that flaming pas- but alas! when I came into his presage fastened upon me, Rom. ix. 22,
sence, my tongue clave to the roof of “What if God willing to shew his my mouth, I could not utter one wrath and make his power known, word ; and so I came home as full of endure with much long suffering the anguish and horror as when I went ; vessels of wrath fitted for destruction.” however, I got up early next morning,
Whenever I got me any book, to and to him I went again ; but to as try if by searching I might meet with little purpose, for I could by no means some good word of hope, it was pre- declare my mind : the truth is, my sently suggested to me that my in
caşe was so strange and uncouth, and creasing knowledge would but increase my temptations were of that prodigimy sorrow, and that every sermon I ous blasphemous nature, that I dared heard would aggravate my approach- not name them; and therefore it was ing damnation. One time coming impossible that I should ever receive home from sermon I eagerly grasped any verbal satisfaction about them. the bible, and with many tears pas- Dreadful was the anguish, terror, sionately cried out, “What! must I and amazement of spirit, which the be left everlastingly to perish with blasphemous injections of Satan would this book in my hand, which so plainly put into me: what twitchings, and discovers to me the way of life? must shootings, and tremblings, would
every blasphemous thought cause even possessed with filth and blasphemy. in my outward man! neither were they I was also much in prayer to God on any way abated when I laid me down this account the day before; which to rest; sleep I had none; slumbering the Lord Jesus was pleased to answer was all that I had for months toge- far above all expectation. ther : I may safely say that for full three days after I came home, I took four months I had not one wink of a bible in my hand, remembering my that sound, undisturbed sleep I was former request, and read John xv. 1wont to enjoy in the days of my un. 5, “I am the true vine, &c.” It may, regeneracy.
be at another time I might have read By this time my body was brought these words fifty times over, and have to a very skeleton, through the ter- found no more savour in them than in rors of the Lord which beset me round;, the white of an egg; but now the set so that at the latter end of August time was come, and precious words I was forced into the country to re- they were to my soul. O what a vive languishing nature; but the chief change was there in a moment! now end I had in view was to have recourse the chains fell off in which I thought to some spiritual physician, for a cor- I must have been bound for ever. In dial for my fainting soul; and there- an instant my former experiences were fore went to s W to Mr. brought to mind ; wherein I was made P -, under whom I was brought to see that the great and blessed work up, and with whom I thought I could of faith was wrought in my heart by use the utinost freedom. But what- the Spirit of God, though it had been ever I told him, I had still some secret hidden and beclouded by manifold reserve in my own breast, and what- corruptions and temptations : and I ever he replied to me, I could easily began to muse upon former manifesexcept against or evade it. I thought tations, and to call to mind the days my circumstances were of a nature of the right hand of the Most High quite different from any others; and with abundant joy. I saw that as if
persons did but know them, they God in sovereign grace had snatched would utterly abhor me.
me as a brand out of the burning, and Thus did the Lord withdraw him- drawn me to his Son, so I must conself, and leave me for a while to tinually depend upon him for spiritual struggle with my spiritual adversaries, supplies, and that if he left me to to make me sensible of my own weak- myself, I could not stand a moment; ness, to abate my pride, and to cause and how many scriptures came flockme to look to the rock that is higher into my mind, with life and power, as than I. But now comes the comfort- Phil. i. 6, Rom. ii. 29, 1 Thess. v. 24. able dawning after this long black Thus I remained for some time tempestuous night.
without any remarkable alteration; The very morning I returned out but afterwards my heart again became of the country, being Sept. 2nd, by a very heavy; for now this manifestasudden accident in the street, I was tion began to abate and disappear, awakened out of sleep about two corruptions assailed me afresh with o'clock, and methought I saw heaven renewed and redoubled vigour, and opened before me; whereupon I in- Satan still discharged his envenomed stantly raised up myself with a most darts with too much success, so that strong and fervent ejaculation to I said as in 2 Chron. xx. 12, I know Christ, and said, ' Lord, grant me thy not what to do, but my eyes are up spirit, and the free use of thy word!' unto thee.” In these temptations I which I could not before look into, was, by the providence of God, dibut er ery word would be presently rected to Mr. Gurnall’s “ Christian in wreste 1 from me, and my mind be Complete Armour;" a book well worth
its weight in gold; each page filled chiefest of ten thousand, and altogewith such heavenly treasure, practical ther lovely, truths, and rich experiences, so plain Now my soul was soaring aloft upon and intelligible, and with all so mov- the wings of faith ; I found I had lost ing and affecting, that I could seldom nothing in the furnace of tribulation look into it with a dry eye. All that but my dross, and forgetting the things winter long the perusing it set me a that are behind, I press forward, reachhungering and thirsting after God and ing forth to what is still before. Christ. Oh! what tenderness of Being thus comfortably established, heart, what melting and relenting, for the glory of God, and further ediwhat weeping for sin! now no day fication of my own soul, I acquainted past me in which my face was not wet the Rev. Mr. C-, (whose miwith tears. What redeeming of time! nistry I experienced to be singularly now I thought much of the lost mi- accompanied with the divine prenute, that was not spent in reading, sence,) with my desire to walk in all writing, praying, or discoursing of the the ordinances and appointments of things of another world, grudging Christ, in communion with that church even my time for meat and sleep! under his care, and having given some What compassion for immortal souls! satifactory account of God's dealings the Lord knows how often I have with my soul, was accordingly rewished my head waters, and my eyes ceived into fellowship with them. fountains of tears, that I might weep Thus have I declared
afflictions day and night for precious souls, and of soul, and also the end of the Lord; have
many times been more enlarged and we see the Lord is very pitiful, and at a throne of grace on their accounts of tender mercy. Let none then, for than mine own! I pitied them as one my sake, despair either for the most that knew the terrors of the Lord. I horrid temptations, or the most invetenow wondered how ministers could rate corruptions, for none could have preach and pray, and talk no more been in a more hopeless, helpless conaffectionately of the great things of dition in the present state than I was, another world, wherein men's souls and yet I have found the grace of are so nearly concerned : I wondered Christ abundantly sufficient for me. how they could come out of the pul- Oh, little did I think I should live as pit, and not shed a tear over them! at this day, to report the goodness of when I considered that all those souls God to me, and talk of the wonders must be saved now, or lost for ever, I of redeeming love! Thus doth tribustood amazed at the stupidity and un- lation work patience, and patience, concern of most persons, and thought experience, and experience, hope: if they saw as I did the worth of their and hope maketh not ashamed, besouls, they would not so fondly trifle cause the love of God is shed abroad with the concerns of eternity.
in my heart; and verily God hath Delivered from the violent assaults dealt with me as with Job, and blest of Satan, for a month or six weeks, I me with twice as much as I had be. lived involved in secret raptures, and fore. It is marvellous to behold the enjoyed a heaven upon earth. O that mighty alteration my soul has seen, golden spot and pearl of my life! This since it was plunged in the waters of was a time of love indeed! Had any tribulation; nothing short of the ex. one in those days asked me, what is ceeding greatness of the power of God thy beloved more than another be- could have effected so astonishing a loved ? I could easily have informed work : and the Lord has no less comhim, from my own inward feclings mended his wisdom and love to me, and experience, that he was the in my building up and establishment,
OLD BERNARD GILPIN,
than in my first conversion ; he hath stone. In a word, let God work : borne me as upon eagle's wings, and how he will, and by whom he will, hath said concerning me, I will work, may we be still, and know that He is and who shall let it :-may his name God. To conclude, the carnal mind have all the glory!
is incapable of Faith, and unable to discern spiritual things, much less to
them : strives to find some A FRAGMENT.
object it can apprehend, and corruptly The soul-enriching truths of the endeavours to exalt in the temple of everlasting Gospel seem to centre Him who is a Spirit,---a God whom herein, -Christ being made my sin- it can see, and handle, and taste. Oh, secondly, Christ being made my righte- that such men could hear the words ousness-thirdly, regeneration by the of the evangelical prophet; " WhereHoly Ghost meetening me for the enjoy- fore do ye spend money for that which ment of Jehovah here and to eternity is not bread, and your labour for that -fourthly, the effects produced will which satisfieth not; hearken dilibe a desire to glorify God in our bo- gently unto me, and eat ye that which dies and souls, which are his fifthly, is good, and let your soul delight mourning, lamentation, and woe on itself in fatness. Incline your ear the account of our body of sin and and come unto me; hear, and your death, that when we would do good soul shall live, and I will make an evil is present with us -lastly, an hope everlasting covenant with you, even to be for ever freed from the inbeing the sure mercies of David.” of sin--to be like our Lord, and to be for ever with Him. These blessings Benwell House, Durham. must have a source, and that is the Father's everlasting love," appointing,
EXTRACT FROM A MINISTER'S DIARY, for a surety, the Son of his love, and every taught child of God will, from It is occasion of far greater grief an unctious experience, be brought to and concern to me, than it can be to confess " that salvation is of grace.” any other, and lies with a continual In this dark and cloudy day, when pressure upon my mind, that through assertions subversive of the gospel of a variety of temptations and distresses, Christ are heard from the pulpit, and I have been so long banished from my teem from the press, as that we can
friends; and which is unspeakably believe and repent without the Holy more grievous, incapacitated
for the Spirit's influence, and offers of Christ glory and service of God! Through to dead sinners are deemed gospel the impetuous shocks I have endured, preaching, it becomes those who are my body has been so weakened, and
bearers ---called, equipped, all the powers of my soul so unhinged, and anointed by the Holy Ghost, to that many precious years have passed keep the faith, and to be willing to be away with little profit! wounding accounted the off-scouring of all things thought ! piercing and melancholy for Jesus' sake. In this Sardis church reflection! I, whose life should have state, I hail every appearance of a been one continued act of praise and man raised of God; let him, like adoration, perpetually setting forth Elijah or John, be clothed in camel's the glory and honour of the Redeemer, hair; or, use the loud language of the have been chained down by temptawilderness : : a desperate disease needs tion, tossed upon a tempestuous ocean, a strong remedy! When God would and lost in a howling wilderness ! at cripple the man of sin, a Luther was the first view of these things I am raised with a spirit suited to the times: ready to cry out, how mysterious and for a feather will never hew a mill.. unaccountable are these divine pro
ceedings ! beyond the imagination of than all the rest, I am that distinangels are these footsteps of our God! guished object ! but when I reflect upon myself, and When I consider the days of old, consider my exceeding great unwor
and call to remembrance my songs in thiness ; what an ungrateful and dis- the night, the years of the right hand ingenuous part I have acted, in form of the Most High, I cry out with Job, getting the most astonishing displays “Oh! that it was with me as in of divine grace and love, I wonder months past, when the candle of the that I am still a partaker of them! Lord shone upon my head, and when
When I look upon almost nineteen by his light I walked through darkyears experience, my soul is over- ness.”—There was a time when I whelmed within me! On the one soared on high, and dwelt in the dihand I am comforted, on the other vine embraces ! when Christ crucified, confounded! Ravished I am, and continually captivated my soul, drank that justly, to think of the favour of up my thoughts, and engrossed all the God, manifested to my soul in my powers within me! when all the pleafirst conversion, in so remarkable a sures and delights of this world, were manner ; and that all the efforts of but as a dead carcass, and my soul the powers of darkness, the many cut- longed for beatific vision ! when electting trials of life, and (which is more ing, redeeming, and converting love than all,) the accursed body of sin and filled me with admiration night and death, have not yet been able to pluck day! when nothing was dear to me, me out of his hand! O glorious pro- compared with the image and favour, vision of the covenant of grace ! ad- the person and presence of the Savimirable contrivance and management : our! nothing odious and burdensome of the salvation of the elect! and for but sin! when I was as if the veil of such a worm as I ! shall I be admitted flesh were drawn, and in every act of to the divine throne, dwell for ever in worship, as it were joined the hallethe immediate presence of Jehovah, lujahs of the blessed! when walked behold his face, partake of his holi- in the constant views of eternity, and ness, sing his praise, and for ever perpetually by faith held a holy, humbathe in the ocean of his eternal love! ble intercourse with the majesty of O all ye redeemed ones, admire this heaven! then was my soul always on for ever and for ever!
the wing, and ready for her celestial But when, on the other hand, I look flight ! back and observe how little all this Happy time! but that time is no while has been done for the interest more; blessed days! but those golof my great Lord; how partial my den days are over and
distin obedience has been, how much beneath guished vouchsafements of heaven! the hope and dignity of a christian I but ah! too little valued and improved! have lived and acted; when I view whither, oh! whither has my wretched the perfect example of Jesus Christ, soul wandered from her Redeemer? and the holy lives and triumphant such times ! such blissful times! were deaths of
of his followers, then once my glory and triumph! and these sorrow and confusion fill my soul ! seasons are still in the hands of alDid Paul, that laborious man, think mighty love, to restore again when himself the least of saints ? then what he pleases. must I call myself ? sure, if the glorious riches of God's grace to any one redeemed and pardoned soul, will ex
A WORD of EXHORTATION to the cite the admiration and praise of the Heirs of Salvation. By the Rev. J. COX, saints and angels in heaven, higher of Woolwich, 32mo.
IN THE PRESS.