Gambar halaman
PDF
ePub

of this disease took place, year after year; on which account it was judged proper that he should spend a considerable part of the summer season either at the sea, or an inland watering place. The latter seemed peculiarly useful to him, and was chiefly the place of his abode. There he promoted the establishment of Sunday Schools, which he superintended with great diligence; and he there contracted a great friendship for two or three poor pious men, who were employed as

masters.

Besides the affliction which I have mentioned, he was subject to violent head-aches, especially upon any close mental application. This disorder proved a great impediment to his learning: yet such was his capacity and application at school and at the University, that he obtained two classical prizes in his own college, and was placed on an equality with the first of his year for mathematical knowledge.

Before he left the University a general debility supervened, so that he was at last obliged to forego his disputations in the schools, as he was unable either to prepare for this exercise, or to stand for the purpose of carrying it on. He was carried in a chair

to the Senate House, when he took his degree of Bachelor of Arts.

After quitting the University he was unable to attend to any discourse that was long, or that required close application of mind in the hearer. An attempt to exercise his mental powers in this way brought on immediately a head-ache, and an increase of his general debility.

During the winter, after he returned home, he went out frequently in an open carriage, which he preferred to a close one; but the severity of the weather, after some time, affected his breast with a sense of soreness. A spitting of blood came on, which was soon succeeded by a cough and a confirmed consumption, of which he died in May following.

But to return. When he was at school with the Rev. Mr. R-, he was exercised in the excellent customs of writing down the sermon after his return from church, and keeping a journal of his private thoughts and common transactions, with a promise from his master that these secret papers should never be inspected by him. I repeatedly saw these journals lying among his papers when he was at home; but I scrupulously abstained from inspecting them. He continued this

custom as long as he was able to write; but during his last illness he destroyed all that he had written previously to his going to the University. The remainder he gave to one of his sisters, with the following note prefixed.

"Some of my journals I have burnt, because there was too much talk and too little sincerity. As far as I know myself, these are more sincere; but they should be called R. H's good wishes, and not the account of the state of his soul. Read them so, and if they do you good, I shall be glad of it. "Your affectionate brother."

In his nineteenth year, while he was yet at school, he made a solemn dedication of himself to God; and in that transaction made use of the shorter form proposed by the pious Dr. Doddridge, adding a sentence relative to his intended future employment in the ministry. This solemn instrument was kept secret from his most intimate friends, but was found among his private papers after his death.

The change wrought in him by divine grace, truly exemplified the description of a real Christian given by the Apostle,

[ocr errors]

If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature." 2 Corin

thians v. 17. Instead of the low cunning and selfishness, which prevailed in him when a boy, he became open, generous, and affectionate; and while his attentions to those who were about him partook of an easy politeness, he manifested on all occasions a considerable degree of heavenly-mindedness. His real character will be clearly discerned by the following extracts from his journals, and the minutes of conversations with his most intimate friends and relations. His views of his own spiritual state were not always alike. His disorder often created a depression of spirits, which cast a gloom upon his spiritual comforts, though it did not always destroy his cheerfulness.

Soon after his arrival at the University, in the conclusion of his nineteenth year, he made the following observations in his journal :

Hither am I come to finish my studies for the ministry. O Lord, impress it upon my mind, that I am now preparing to be thy servant, to speak in thy name to those who are enemies to thee! Since I came hither, I set apart an evening to look over my act of selfdedication, with a design to direct my views aright. 1 rejoice that I made that act. O that I had kept it with more sincerity, zeal, and love! Lord, by thy grace, I resolve to

seek thy face, and be thy servant, and seek the salvation of my soul through my Redeemer, notwithstanding the scoffs and jests of a profane and wicked world! O grant me sincerity, and lead me in the right way; and teach me in all my ways to acknowledge thee, so shalt thou direct my paths!"

After he had been about three months at the University, he took a review of his conduct, his studies, and the temper of his mind. In this part of his journal, I find the following declaration: "I think, as far as I can discover of my heart, I would love my Saviour, and consent more and more to his dominion over me. There is a strong body of sin yet in me. My Saviour, I come to thee without money and without price, hoping for thy merciful aid to enlighten my eyes that I may know thee. As the all-wise Providence of God has placed me here, let me consider the duties more particularly incumbent on me."

These duties he enumerates, and then adds, -“O Lord, teach me this, that laying aside every besetting sin, I may run with patience the race set before me. The more I grow in grace, and the knowledge of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, the more pure and blameless will my conduct be; and the more

« SebelumnyaLanjutkan »