335. Wherefore when I at first began to think of this, it was a great trouble to me: for I thought with my self, that in the Condition I now was in, I was not fit to die, neither indeed did think I could if I should be called to it: Besides, I thought with my self, if I should make a scrambling shift to clamber up the Ladder, yet I should either with quaking or other symptoms of fainting, give occasion to the Enemy to reproach the Way of God and his People, for their Timorousness. This therefore lay with great trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed to die with a pale Face, and tottering Knees, for such a Cause as this.

336. Wherefore I pray'd to God that he would comfort me, and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort appear'd, but all continued bid: I was also at this time so really possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if I was on the Ladder with the Rope about my Neck; only this was some Encouragement to me, I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words to a Multitude which I thought would come to see me die; and thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convert one Soul by my very last words, I shall not count my Life thrown away, nor lost.

337. But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, and still the Tempter followed me with, But whither must you go when you die? What will become of you? Where will you be found in another World? What evidence have you for Heaven and Glory, and an Inheritance among them that are sanctified? Thus was I tossed for many Weeks, and knew not what to do; at last this Consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was for the Word and way of God that I was in this Condition, wherefore I was engaged not to flinch an hairs breadth from it.

338. I thought also, that God might chuse whether he would give me comfort now, or at the hour of Death; but I might not therefore chuse whether I would hold my Profession or no: I was bound, but he was free, yea, 'twas my Duty to stand to his Word, whether he would ever look upon me or save me at the last: Wherefore, thought I, save the point being thus, I am for going on, and venturing my eternal State with Christ, whether I have comfort here or no; if God doth not come in, thought I, I will leap off the Ladder even blindfold into Eternity, sink or swim, come Heaven, come Hell;

Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do; if not, I will venture for thy Name.

339. I was no sooner fixed upon this Resolution, but that word dropt upon me, Doth Job serve God for nought? As if the Accuser had said, Lord, Job is no upright Man, he serves thee for by-Respects; Hast thou not made an Hedge about him, &c. but put forth now thine Hand, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy Face. How now, thought I, is this the sign of an upright Soul, to desire to serve God when all is taken from him; Is he a godly Man that will serve God for nothing rather than give out? Blessed be God; Then I hope I have an upright Heart, for I am resolved (God giving me strength) never to deny my Profession, though I have nothing at all for my Pains; and as I was thus considering, that Scripture was set before me, Psal. 44. 12. &c.

340. Now was my Heart full of Comfort, for I hoped it was sincere; I would not have been without this Tryal, for much; I am comforted every time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless God for ever for the teaching I have had by it. Many more of the dealings of God towards me, I might relate. But these out of the spoils won in Battel have I dedicated to maintain the House of God, I Chron. 26. 27.

I.

OF

THE CONCLUSION.

F all the Temptations that ever I met with in my Life, to question the Being of God and Truth of his Gospel, is the worst, and worst to be borne; when this Temptation comes, it takes away my Girdle from me, and removeth the Foundation from under me: O, I have often thought of that word, Have your Loyns girt about with Truth; and of that, When the Foundations are destroyed, what can the Righteous do?

2. Sometimes, when after sin committed, I have looked for sore Chastizement from the Hand of God, the very next that I have had from him hath been the discovery of his Grace. Sometimes, when I have been comforted, I have called my self a Fool for my so sinking under trouble. And then again when I have been cast down, I thought I was not wise to give such way to comfort. With such strength and weight have both these been upon me.

3. I have wondred much at this one thing, that though God doth visit my Soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found again, that such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in my Spirit so filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once conceive, what that God and that Comfort was with which I have been refreshed.

4. I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible, then I could well tell how to stand under, and yet at another time the whole Bible hath been to me as dry as a stick; or rather my Heart hath been so dead and dry unto it, that I could not conceive the least dram of Refreshment, tho' I have look❜t it all over.

5. Of all tears, they are best that are made by the Blood of Christ; and of all Joy, that is the sweetest that is mixt with mourning over Christ: Oh! 'tis a goodly thing to be on our knees with Christ in our Arms, before God. I hope I know something of these things.

6. I find to this day seven Abominations in my Heart; 1. Inclinings to Unbelief. 2. Suddenly to forget the Love and Mercy that Christ manifesteth. 3. A leaning to the Works of the Law. 4. Wandrings and coldness in Prayer. 5. To forget to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have. 7. I can do none of those things which God commands me, but my Corruptions will thrust in themselves. When I would do good, evil is present with me.

7. These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with, yet the Wisdom of God doth order them for my good. 1. They make me abhor my self. 2. They keep me from trusting my Heart. 3. They convince me of the Insufficiency of all inherent Righteousness. 4. They shew me the Necessity of fleeing to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray unto God. 6. They shew me the need I have to watch and be sober. 7. And provoke me to pray unto God through Christ to help me, and carry me through this World.

FINIS.

A

RELATION

OF THE

IMPRISONMENT

OF

Mr. JOHN BUNYAN,

Minister of the Gospel at BEDFORD,

In NOVEMBER, 1660.

His Examination before the Justices, his Conference with the Clerk of the Peace, what passed between the Judges and his Wife, when she presented a Petition for his Deliverance, &c.

Written by himself, and never before published.

Blessed are ye which are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.

Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsly for my name's

sake.

Rejoice and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in Heaven, for so persecuted they the Prophets which were before you. MAT. V. 10, II, 12.

LONDON:

Printed for JAMES BUCKLAND, at the Buck,

in Paternoster-Row.