A True and Faithful INVENTORY of the GOODS belonging to Dr. SWIFT, Vicar of LAR ACOR; Upon lending his Houfe to the Bishop of MEATH, till his Palace was re-built.
AN oaken, broken elbow-chair;
A cawdle-cup, without an ear;
A batter'd, fhatter'd ash bedstead ;
A box of deal, without a lid;
A pair of tongs, but out of joint;
A back-fword poker, without point;
pot
that 's crack'd acrofs, around
With an old knotted garter bound;
An iron lock, without a key;
A wig, with hanging, quite grown grey ;
A curtain worn to half a stripe ;
A pair of bellows, without pipe;
A difh which might good meat afford once;
An Ovid, and an old Concordance;
A bottle-bottom, wooden platter,
One is for meal, and one for water:
There likewise is a copper skillet,
Which runs as faft out as you fill it;
A candlestick, fnuff. difh, and fave-all:
And thus his houfhold-goods you have all,
These to your Lordship, as a friend,
Till you have built, I freely lend :
They'll ferve your Lordfhip for a shift;
Why not, as well as Doctor Swift?
CADENUS AND VANESSA *. Written at Windfor, 1713.
HE fhepherds and the nymphs were seen
Pleading before the Cyprian Queen.
The counfel for the fair began,
Accufing the falfe creature man.
The brief with weighty crimes was charg'd,
On which the pleader much enlarg'd;
That Cupid now has lost his art,
Or blunts the point of every dart ;—
His altar now no longer smokes,
His mother's aid no youth invokes :
This tempts freethinkers to refine,
And bring in doubt their powers divine;
Now love is dwindled to intrigue,
And marriage grown a money-league.
Which crimes aforefaid (with her leave)
Were (as be humbly did conceive)
Againft our fovereign lady's peace,
Against the ftatute in that cafe,
Against her dignity and crown:
Then pray'd an anfwer, and fat down.
The nymphs with fcorn beheld their foes:
When the defendant's counfel rofe,
* Founded on an offer of marriage made by Mifs Vanhomrigh to Dr. Swift, who was occafionally her preceptor. The lady's unhappy ftory is well known.
And, what no lawyer ever lack'd,
With impudence own'd all the fact;
But, what the gentleft heart would vex,
Laid all the fault on t'other fex.
That modern love is no fuch thing
As what those ancient poets fing;
A fire celestial, chafte, refin'd,
Conceiv'd and kindled in the mind;.
Which, having found an equal flame,
Unites, and both become the same,
In different breasts together burn,
Together both to ashes turn.
But women now feel no fuch fire,
And only know the grofs defire.
Their paffions move in lower spheres,.
Where'er caprice or folly fteers..
A dog, a parrot, or an ape,
Or fome worse brute in human fhape,.
Ingrofs the fancies of the fair,
The few soft moments they can spare,
From visits to receive and pay;
From fcandal, politicks, and play;
From fans, and flounces, and brocades,
From equipage and park-parades,
From all the thoufand female toys,
From every trifle that employs
The out or infide of their heads,
Between their toilets and their beds.
In a dull ftream, which moving flow,.
You hardly fee the current flow;
If a small breeze obftruct the course,
It whirls about, for want of force,
And in its narrow circle gathers
Nothing but chaff, and ftraws, and feathers.
The current of a female mind
Stops thus, and turns with every wind ;
Thus whirling round together draws
Fools, fops, and rakes, for chaff and straws.
Hence we conclude, no womens hearts
Are won by virtue, wit, and parts:
Nor are the men of fenfe to blame,
For breafts incapable of flame;
The fault muft on the nymphs be plac'd,
Grown fo corrupted in their taste.
The pleader, having spoke his best,
Had witnefs ready to atteft,
Who fairly could on oath depofe,
When queftions on the fact arofe,
That every article was true;
Nor further thofe deponents knew :—
Therefore he humbly would infist,
The bill might be with cofts difmifs'd.
The caufe appear'd of fo much weight,
That Venus, from her judgement-feat,
Defir'd them not to talk fo loud,
For gods, their betters, are too wife
To value that which men defpife.
And then, faid she, my fon and I
Muft ftroll in air, 'twixt land and sky;
Or elfe, fhut out from heaven and earth,
Fly to the fea, my place of birth;
There live, with daggled mermaids pent,
And keep on fish perpetual Lent.
But, fince the cafe appear'd so nice,
She thought it beft to take advice.
The Mufes, by their King's permission,
Though foes to love, attend the session,
And on the right hand took their places
In order; on the left, the Graces:
To whom the might her doubts propofe
On all emergencies that rofe.
And faid, fhe muft confult her books,
The lovers' Fletas, Bractons, Cokes.
First to a dapper clerk fhe beckon❜d
To turn to Ovid, book the fecond;
She then referr'd them to a place
In Virgil (vide Dido's cafe):
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