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Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas, go to my lady.
Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man. Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
Sir To. Well said, master parson. Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good sir Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me here in hideous darkness.
Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Say'st thou that house is dark?
Mal. As hell, sir Topas.
Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stories towards the southnorth are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal. I am not mad, sir Topas. I say to you, this house is dark.
Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.
Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are: make the trial of it in any constant question.
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild-fowl?
Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion?
Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.
Clo. Fare thee well: remain thou still in darkThou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Mal. Sir Topas! sir Topas !
Sir To. My most exquisite sir Topas.
Mar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard, and gown: he sees thee not.
Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would, we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.
[Exeunt Sir TOBY and MARIA. Clo. "Hey Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does."
Clo. But as well? then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.
Mal. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses! and do all they can to face me out of my wits.
Clo. Advise you what you say: the minister is here. -Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.
Mal. Sir Topas,
Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God b' wi' you, good sir Topas.-Marry, amen.-I will, sir, I will.
Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say.
What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you.
Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper: I tell thee, I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria.
Clo. Well-a-day, that you were, sir!
Mal. By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady: it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.
Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit ?
Mal. Believe me, I am not: I tell thee true. Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'ythee, be gone.
SCENE III.-OLIVIA'S Garden.
Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feel't, and see't; And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then! I could not find him at the Elephant; Yet there he was, and there I found this credit, That he did range the town to seek me out. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul disputes well with my sense, That this may be some error, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse, That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me To any other trust but that I am mad, Or else the lady's mad: yet, if 'twere so, She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take, and give back affairs, and their despatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing, As, I perceive, she does. There's something in't, That is deceivable. But here the lady comes.
Enter OLIVIA, and a Priest.
Oli. Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean
Now go with me, and with this holy man,
Seb. I'll follow this good man, and go with you,
And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.
Oli. Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,
That they may fairly note this act of mine!
SCENE I.-The Street before OLIVIA's House.
Enter Clown, and FABIAN.
Fab. Now, as thou lov'st me, let me see his letter. Clo. Good master Fabian, grant me another request.
Fab. Any thing.
Clo. Do not desire to see this letter.
Fab. This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again.
Enter DUKE, VIOLA, and Attendants.
Clo. Truly, sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends.
Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
Duke. How can that be?
Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me now, my foes tell me plainly I am an ass; so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends I am abused; so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why then, the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes. Duke. Why, this is excellent.
Enter ANTONIO, and Officers.
Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.
1 Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio,
Vio. He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side,
Duke. Notable pirate, thou salt-water thief,
Orsino, noble sir,
Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you Though, I confess, on base and ground enough, to be one of my friends.
Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.
Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another.
Duke. O! you give me ill counsel.
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer: there's another.
Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind-One, two, three.
Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty, till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think, that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness; but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. [Exit Clown.
Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
How can this be?
Duke. When came he to this town?
Ant. To-day, my lord; and for three months
No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
walks on earth!
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon.-Take him aside.
Oli. What would my lord, but that he may not have,
Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?-
Duke. Gracious Olivia,
Oli. What do you say, Cesario ?-Good my lord,
Vio. My lord would speak, my duty hushes me. Oli. If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear,
Oli. Still so constant, lord.
Duke. What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady, To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breath'd out, That e'er devotion tender'd. What shall I do?
Oli. Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.
Duke. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
Vio. And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly, To do you rest a thousand deaths would die.
Oli. Where goes Cesario? Vio. After him I love, More than I love these eyes, more than my life, More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife. If I do feign, you witnesses above
Punish my life for tainting of my love!
Oli. Ah me! detested? how am I beguil'd! Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Oli. Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?Call forth the holy father? [Exit an Attendant. Come away. [To VIOLA. Oli. Whither, my lord?-Cesario, husband, stay. Duke. Husband?
Ay, husband: can he that deny? Duke. Her husband, sirrah?
No, my lord, not I.
Re-enter Attendant, with the Priest.
Priest. A contract of eternal bond of love,
Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
I have travelled but two hours.
Duke. O, thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be,
Sir And. He has broke my head across, and has given sir Toby a bloody coxcomb too. For the love of God, your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.
Oli. Who has done this, sir Andrew?
Sir And. The count's gentleman, one Cesario. We took him for a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.
Duke. My gentleman, Cesario?
Sir And. Od's lifelings! here he is.-You broke my head for nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't by sir Toby.
Vio. Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword upon me, without cause; But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not.
Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Sir TOBY BELCH, drunk, led by the Clown. Here comes sir Toby halting, you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
Duke. How now, gentleman! how is't with you?
Sir To. That's all one: he has hurt me, and there's the end on't.-Sot, did'st see Dick surgeon, sot?
Clo. O! he's drunk, sir Toby, an hour agone: his eyes were set at eight i' the morning.
Sir To. Then he's a rogue, and a passy-measures pavin. I hate a drunken rogue.
Oli. Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?
Sir And. I'll help you, sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together.
Sir To. Will you help? An ass-head, and a coxcomb, and a knave! a thin-faced knave, a gull! Oli. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to. [Exeunt Clown, Sir TOBY, and Sir ANDREW. Enter SEBASTIAN.
Seb. I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kins
But had it been the brother of my blood,
I must have done no less with wit and safety.
Duke. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons;
A natural perspective, that is, and is not!
Ant. Sebastian are you?