King commanded them to tarry there, and said he would himself go up to that mount. 66 And so he ascended up the mount till he came to a great fire, and there found he a careful widow wringing her hands and making great sorrow, sitting by a grave new made. And then King Arthur saluted her, and demanded her wherefore she made such lamentation. Unto whom she answered and said, Sir Knight, speak soft, for yonder is a devil; if he hear thee speak, he will come and destroy thee. I hold thee unhappy: what dost thou here in this mountain? for if ye were such fifty as ye be, ye were not able to make resistance against this devil: here lieth a duchess dead, which was the fairest lady of the world, wife unto Sir Howel of Britain.' "Dame,' said the King, I come from the great conqueror, King Arthur, for to treat with that tyrant for his liege people.' "Fie upon such treaties,' said the widow; he setteth nought by the King, nor by no man else; but and if thou hath brought King Arthur's wife, Dame Guenever, he shall be gladder than if thou hadst given him half France. Beware; approach him not too nigh; for he hath overcome and vanquished fifteen kings, and hath made him a coat full of precious stones, embroidered with their beards, which they sent him to have his love for salvation of their people this last Christmas, and if thou wilt speak with him at yonder great fire, he is at supper.' 66 6 Well,' said King Arthur, I will accomplish my message for all your fearful words,' and went forth by the crest of that hill, and saw where he sat at supper gnawing on a limb of a man, baking his broad limbs by the fire, and breechless, and three damsels turning three broaches, whereon was broached twelve young children, late born, like young birds. 66 'When King Arthur beheld that piteous sight, he had great compassion on them, so that his heart bled for sorrow, and hailed him, saying in this wise::- - He that all the world wieldeth give thee short life and shameful death, and the devil have thy soul! Why hast thou murthered these young innocent children, and this duchess? Therefore arise and dress thee, thou glutton, for this day shalt thou die of my hands.' "Then anon the giant start up, and took a great club in his hand, and smote at the King that his coronal fell to the earth. And King Arthur hit him again, that he carved his belly, and that his entrails fell down to the ground. Then the giant with great anguish threw away his club of iron, and caught the King in his arms, that he crushed his ribs. Then the three damsels kneeled down, and called unto our Lord Jesus Christ, for help and comfort of the noble King Arthur. And then King Arthur weltered and wrung, that he was one while under, and another while above; and so weltering and wallowing, they rolled down the hill, till they came to the sea-mark; and as they so tumbled and weltered, King Arthur smote him with his dagger, and it fortuned they came unto the place whereas the two knights were that kept King Arthur's horse. Then when they saw the King fast in the giant's arms, they came and loosed him; and then King Arthur commanded Sir Kaye to smite off the giant's head, and to set it upon a truncheon of a spear, and bear it to Sir Howel, and tell him that his enemy is slain; and after let his head be bound to a barbican, that all the people may see and behold it; and go ye two to the mountain, and fetch me my shield, and my sword, and also the great club of iron; and for the treasure, take it to you, for ye shall find there goods without number; so that I have his kirtle and the club, I desire no more. This was the fiercest giant that ever I met with, save one in the mount of Araby, which I overcame; but this was greater and fiercer.'" as I CAN'T DEcide. I CAN'T decide, I can't decide! I'm so perplex'd, and teazed, and tried, The charms of each I fairly scan, I ponder on't, but cannot see 'Tis three to one in point of age, I've thought it o'er from week to week; Sir William has a blooming cheek, Sir William's fair, well-shaped and tall, But there's pin-money with Sir Paul, My choice unfix'd between them floats; Sir William is a charming youth- I can't decide-but hark! I hear Sir Paul, as I'm alive! "I said three thousand pounds a year, But now I'll make it five." Five thousand pounds! my stars! the die Is cast, and I'm your bride! Fate has ordain'd it; so I'll cry No more "I can't decide! Q. Q. GILBERT GURNEY. [Ir has been suggested to us that if the portions of these papers, under the denomination of chapters, were given in more regular and consecutive order, it would be gratifying to our readers, who, we are happy to say, are beginning to get interested about the respectable gentleman to whose career in life they refer. Desirous of meeting the wishes of our friends, we have resolved to "try back" (as the sportsmen say), in order to fill up certain interstices which at present disconnect the narrative; and therefore bring the reader to that point of the history at which Mr. Daly, in the character of assistant-clerk to the deputy-surveyor of the Paddington Canal Company, aided by his consenting friend, Mr. Gurney, invaded the peaceful villa of Sir Timothy Dod, at Twickenham, and having done all the mischief they could, retreated in their boat to Teddington, at which place Mr. Gilbert Gurney was put ashore, and took leave of his facetious acquaintance. ED.] CHAPTER IV. THE Voyager long pent up within the "wooden walls " of a ship feels a sensation upon once again walking the "lean earth," which cannot be adequately described to one who has not experienced it. I confess, although the nature of the effect produced upon me when I stepped from Mr. Daly's "funny" was of course perfectly different in its character, as far as the relief afforded me, it was almost equally pleasurable. It seemed to me that I had escaped from some incarnate fiend, whose whole existence was devoted to what he called fun, but which I could not but consider absolute and unqualified mischief; and as I walked onwards to my mother's villa, I seriously revolved the events of the day in my mind, at the same time forming a resolution never again to subject myself to the domination of a practical joker, although my new friend had given me a pressing invitation to visit him at Hampton Court, of which sedate and aristocratic neighbourhood he must soon become, even by his own showing, the terror and affright. It was a beautiful evening when I reached the gate of Mrs. Gurney's cottage, the mere sight of which recalled all the misfortunes of the previous night to my recollection. The striking contrast afforded by the quiet aspect of the villa, the well-mown lawn, the gently waving trees, and the gay beds of flowers, to that of the house in which I had been but twenty-four hours before eternally disgraced as a dramatist, went to my heart-and the parterre, full of roses, and pinks, and geraniums, gently bowing, and sweetly smelling, exhibited so refreshing a reverse" to the parterre of the Haymarket, with its greasy citizens," and yelling apprentices, that all my regrets burst upon me in a flood of remorse and sorrow, and found utterance in one exclamation of "How could I be such a fool !" It was however necessary that I should summon all my resolution to bear the reproaches with which I knew I was destined to be assailed, if the news of my exposure had preceded me. In vain I hoped that my respectable parent might not have seen a newspaper, for I recollected that my servant, although not entirely informed of my share in the entertainment of the preceding evening, had made himself master of so much of my secret as would serve to enlighten Mrs. Sadler, my mother's maid, of whose disposition to find out whatever he was unable to explain, I had no doubt; once the cue given, and the train lighted, the explosion was a matter of certainty. Full of contending feelings, somewhat excited by the rapid consumption of Sir Timothy's claret and sherry, I entered the cottage, and found, as I had anticipated, my excellent parent seated at tea, opposite to her never-failing friend and companion, Crab. "Dear child," said my excellent parent,-and she would have called me child had she lived till I was forty,-" what on earth has kept you at Richmond so late? Have you dined? or "Dined? hours ago," replied I, rather too hastily, considering it to have been my intention not to confess the company in which I had passed the day. "Theatricals again, Gilbert!" said my mother, with a sigh. How the deuce did she know that ? "You were coming here to pass the day, but the fascination of those syrens of the stage was irresistible-we waited dinner nearly an hour for you." "More, Ma'am," said Miss Crab; "the lamb was stone cold, and the fish boiled to pieces." "I am extremely sorry," said I, "but I told William that I should not be here until the evening." "He misunderstood you then," said my mother; not that I should have waited at all if I had known who were your associates. I am quite aware of the attractions of such society." My mother was evidently vexed, and knowing as little of the qualities or accomplishments of my fair friends then at Richmond, as she did of the syrens to whom she likened them, really imagined them to be something quite as extraordinary as the well-fledged daughters of Achelous, and no doubt transformed the ayte opposite Mrs. Forty's house at Richmond into the little Sicilian island which the classical leash of ornithological beauties occupied in other times. If I could have explained the real cause of my late arrival it would have all been extremely well, but I would not for the world have ventured to confess to my most exemplary parent, more especially in the presence of the fair vinaigrette "she loved so much," the adventure at Twickenham. I therefore resolved upon bowing my head to the coming storm, and without attempting to vindicate the character or qualities of my merry-hearted companions at the castle, endeavouring to soothe the ladies with an humble apology. As for my mother, with great shrewdness and knowledge of the world, she blended a remarkably sweet temper, but her constant association with Miss Crab appeared to me latterly to have somewhat acidulated her character. This officious aide-de-camp was always ready to throw in the sours; and from having arrived at the unmentionable age of fifty-six, without having changed her state of single-unblessedness, all the kindness of her nature had curdled, and, as people say, everything went wrong with her-couleur de rose was a tint unknown to her eyeseverything was jaundiced-she was full of jealousy, without one grain of love to compensate for her failing; and to her influence, more than anything else, I attributed my mother's apparent ill-humour upon the present occasion. "Will you have some coffee, Gilbert?" said my mother. "None, I thank you," said I. "Some tea ?" "None." "Oh dear, no," said Miss Crab, " dissipated people never drink such weak liquors as tea or coffee." "You seem," said I, to have formed a very unfavourable and somewhat erroneous opinion of my character, Miss Crab; I am not conscious of having deserved to be called dissipated, nor do I know that I have either denounced tea or renounced coffee." "I am sure I don't know," said the lady, "but this I do know, that actors, and actresses too, are invariably drunkards, profaners, and Sabbath-breakers. When I was few years younger, and secretary to a very well-conducted Vice-suppression Society at Peckham, we actually ascertained that a man of the name of Pluggs, the husband of an exemplary and ill-treated laundress of the place, was known to have gone on the evening of the Sabbath to Covent-garden playhouse to which he belonged, and put on feather trowsers and a wooden nose, to rehearse the part of a goose which he had to act in a pantomime the next night." "Well," said I," at all events he had the excuse of his poverty for making himself a goose, which the coterie who criticised him had not." "Oh," said my mother," there is no defending the thing, and joking with serious subjects is extremely offensive." I found the odds were against me. I therefore made no reply, satisfied at all events that the intelligence of my defeat as a dramatist had not yet reached Teddington. "I hope," said my mother," that you are come to stay with us for two or three days?" "Not he, Ma'am," said Miss Crab. I could almost have found it in my heart to declare my intention of stopping a fortnight, merely to vex her. "I have no engagement in town," said I. "Well then, Miss Crab," said my mother, "I think we may let him into our scheme." "Probably." "What," said I, a plot against me?". "A plot for your happiness," said my mother. "If you will but attend to us "I have no hope of that," said Miss Crab. "What is it?" said I; law?" a voyage to India, or a fresh touch at the "Neither, Gilbert," said my mother; "but much more agreeable than either. "Miss Crab and I have seen-haven't we, Miss Crab?" "I think we have," replied Miss Crab. "Such a charming girl," said my mother. Two," cried her friend. "Yes, but the younger one is my favourite," said Mrs. Gurney; "so gentle, so mild, so amiable, so pretty, and so good!" "Well," said I," and what then?" tr Oh, Ma'am," said Miss Crab, "it is all of no use talking to Gilbert about such sort of people. A young gentleman who spends his time with actresses has no taste-can have no taste for the gentler attributes of |