After dinner, I began with my usual toast, the church; for this, I was thanked by the chaplain, as he said the church was the only mistress of his affections. “Come, tell us honestly, Frank," said the squire, with his usual archness," suppose the church, your As we expected our landlord the next day, not avoid whispering, loud enough to be my wife went to make the venison pasty; heard, that he had an infinite fund of huMoses sat reading, while I taught the little mor. ones. My daughters seemed equally busy with the rest; and I observed them for a good while cooking something over the fire. I at first supposed they were assisting their mother; but little Dick informed me, in a whisper, that they were making a wash for the face. Washes of all kinds I had a nat-present mistress, dressed in lawn sleeves, on ural antipathy to; for I knew that, instead one hand, and Miss Sophia, with no lawn of mending the complexion, they spoiled it. about her, on the other, which would you be I therefore approached my chair, by sly de- for?"-"For both, to be sure," cried the grees, to the fire, and grasping the poker, as chaplain. "Right, Frank," cried the squire ; if it wanted mending, seemingly by accident" for may this glass suffocate me, but a fine overturned the whole composition, and it was too late to begin another. CHAPTER VII. A TOWN WIT DESCRIBED. THE DULLEST WHEN the morning arrived on which we were to entertain our young landlord, it may be easily supposed what provisions were exhausted to make an appearance. It may be also conjectured that my wife and daughters expanded their gayest plumage on this occasion. Mr. Thornhill came with a couple of friends, his chaplain and feeder. The servants, who were numerous, he politely ordered to the next alehouse; but my wife, in the triumph of her heart, insisted on entertaining them all; for which, by the by, our family was pinched for three weeks after. As Mr. Burchell had hinted to us the day before that he was making some proposals of marriage to Miss Wilmot, my son George's former mistress, this a good deal damped the heartiness of his reception; but accident, in some measure, relieved our embarrassment; for one of the company happening to mention her name, Mr. Thornhill observed, with an oath, that he never knew anything more absurd than calling such a fright a beauty. "For, strike me ugly," continued he, "if I should not find as much pleasure in choosing my mistress by the information of a lamp under the clock of St. Dunstan's." At this he laughed, and so did we the jests of the rich are ever successful. Olivia, too, could girl is worth all the priestcraft in the creation; for what are tithes and tricks but an imposition, all a confounded imposture? and I can prove it."—"I wish you would,” cried my son Moses; "and I think," continued he, "that I should be able to answer you." "Very well, sir," cried the squire, who immediately smoked him, and winked on the rest of the company, to prepare us for the sport; "if you are for a cool argument upon that subject, I am ready to accept the challenge. And first, whether are you for managing it analogically or dialogically?" — "I am for managing it rationally," cried Moses, quite happy at being permitted to dispute. "Good, again," cried the squire ; “and, firstly, of the first. I hope you'll not deny that whatever is, is; for if you don't grant me that, I can go no further." -"Why," returned Moses, "I think I may grant that, and make the best of it." "I hope, too," returned the other, "you will grant that a part is less than the whole."—"I grant that, too," cried Moses; "it is but just and reasonable." — “I hope," cried the squire, "you will not deny that the three angles of a triangle are equal to two right ones."—"Nothing can be plainer," returned the other, and looked round him with his usual importance.· -"Very well," cried the squire, speaking very quick; "the premises being thus settled, I proceed to observe, that the concatenation of self-existences, proceeding in a reciprocal duplicate ratio, naturally produce a problematical dialogism, which in some measure proves that the essence of spirituality may be referred to the second predicable." "Hold, hold,” cried the other, "I deny that. Do you think I can thus tamely submit to such heterodox doc trines?" "What!" replied the squire, as was right; for who knows how this may end?" Ay, who knows that indeed ?" answered I, with a groan; "for my part, I don't much like it; and I could have been better pleased with one that was poor and honest than this fine gentleman with his fortune and infidelity; for, depend upon it, if he be what I suspect him, no free-thinker shall ever have a child of mine." if in a passion, "not submit! Answer me one plain question. Do you think Aristotle right, when he says that relatives are related?" "Undoubtedly," replied the other. - "If so, then," cried the squire, "answer me directly to what I propose: Whether do you judge the analytical investigation of the first part of my enthymem deficient secundum quoad, or quoad minus? and give me your reasons, I say, directly."—"I protest," cried Moses, "I don't rightly comprehend the force of your reasoning; but if it be reduced to one single proposition, I fancy it may then have an answer."-"O sir," cried the squire, "I am your most humble servant; I find you want me to furnish you with argument and intellect too. No, sir; there, I protest, you are too hard for me." This effectually raised the laugh against poor Moses, who sat the only dismal figure in a group of merry faces; nor did he offer a single syllable more during the whole entertainment. But though all this gave me no pleasure, it had a very different effect upon Olivia, who mistook it for humor, though but a mere act of the memory. She thought him, therefore, a very fine gentleman; and such as consider what powerful ingredients a good figure, fine clothes, and fortune are in that character, will easily forgive her. Mr. Thornhill, notwithstanding his real ignorance, talked with ease, and could expatiate upon the common topics of conversation with fluency. It is not surprising, then, that such talents should win the affections of a girl who, by education, was taught to value an appearance in herself, and consequently to set a value upon it in another. Upon his departure, we again entered into a debate upon the merits of our young landlord. As he directed his looks and conversation to Olivia, it was no longer doubted but that she was the object that induced him to be our visitor. Nor did she seem to be much displeased at the innocent raillery of her brother and sister upon this occasion. Even Deborah herself seemed to share the glory of the day, and exulted in her daughter's victory, as if it were her own. "And now, my dear," cried she to me, "I'll fairly own that it was I that instructed my girls to encourage our landlord's addresses. I had always some ambition, and you now see that I "Sure, father," cried Moses, "you are too severe in this; for Heaven will never arraign him for what he thinks, but for what he does. Every man has a thousand vicious thoughts, which arise without his power to suppress. Thinking freely of religion may be involuntary with this gentleman; so that, allowing his sentiments to be wrong, yet, as he is purely passive in his assent, he is no more to be blamed for his errors than the governor of a city without walls for the shelter he is obliged to afford an invading enemy.” "True, my son," cried I, "but if the governor invites the enemy there, he is justly culpable; and such is always the case with those who embrace error. The vice does not lie in assenting to the proofs they see, but in being blind to many of the proofs that offer. So that, though our erroneous opinions be involuntary when formed, yet, as we have been wilfully corrupt, or very negligent in forming them, we deserve punishment for our vice or contempt for our folly." My wife now kept up the conversation, though not the argument. She observed that several very prudent men of our acquaintance were free-thinkers, and made very good husbands; and she knew some sensible girls that had skill enough to make converts of their spouses: 66 and who knows, my dear," continued she, "what Olivia may be able to do? The girl has a great deal to say upon every subject, and to my knowledge is very well skilled in controversy." "Why, my dear, what controversy can she have read ?" cried I. "It does not occur to me that I ever put such books into her hands. You certainly overrate her merit.”"Indeed, papa,” replied Olivia, "she does not; I have read a great deal of controversy. I have read the disputes between Thwackum and Square; the controversy between Robinson Crusoe and Friday, the savage; and I am now employed in reading the controversy in Religious Courtship."—"Very well," cried ' mention have equally contributed to introduce a false taste into their respective coun I, "that's a good girl; I find you are perfectly qualified for making converts, and so go help your mother to make the gooseberry-tries, by loading all their lines with epithets. pie." CHAPTER VIII. AN AMOUR WHICH PROMISES LITTLE GOOD Men of little genius found them most easily A BALLAD. - THE next morning we were again visited by Mr. Burchell, though I began, for certain reasons, to be displeased with the frequency of his return; but I could not refuse him my company and fireside. It is true, his labor more than requited his entertainment; I think, at least free from those I have menfor he wrought among us with vigor, and, tioned." either in the meadow or at the hay-rick, put himself foremost. Besides, he had always something amusing to say that lessened our toil, and was at once so out of the way and yet so sensible, that I loved, laughed at, and pitied him. My only dislike arose from an attachment which he discovered to my daughter. He would, in a jesting manner, call her his little mistress; and when he brought each of the girls a set of ribands, hers was the finest. I knew not how, but he every day seemed to become more amiable, his wit to improve, and his simplicity to assume the superior airs of wisdom. Our family dined in the field; and we sat, or rather reclined, round a temperate repast, our cloth spread upon the hay, while Mr. Burchell gave cheerfulness to the feast. To heighten our satisfaction, two blackbirds answered each other from opposite hedges, the familiar redbreast came and picked the crumbs from our hands, and every sound seemed but the echo of tranquillity. "I never sit thus," says Sophia, "but I think of the two lovers, so sweetly described by Mr. Gay, who were struck dead in each other's arms. There is something so pathetic in the description, that I have read it a hundred times with new rapture."—"In my opinion," cried my son, "the finest strokes in that description are much below those in the Acis and Galatea of Ovid. The Roman poet understands the use of contrast better; and upon that figure, artfully managed, all strength in the pathetic depends." - "It is remarkable," cried Mr. Burchell, "that both the poets you "Turn, gentle hermit of the dale, "For here forlorn and lost I tread, With fainting steps and slow; "Forbear, my son," the hermit cries, "Here to the houseless child of want And though my portion is but scant, "Then turn to-night, and freely share My blessing and repose. "No flocks that range the valley free, "But from the mountain's grassy side A scrip with herbs and fruits supplied, "Then, pilgrim, turn, thy cares forego; |