THE CHAPERON. "New vestals claim men's eyes, with the same praise All matchless creatures, and yet bent on matches." Don Juan, canto xii. THE moralists of former times, influenced perhaps by the inexperience incidental to rude and imperfect civilization, were accustomed to attribute success in life very principally to certain qualities, on that account, called virtues. Courage, industry, perseverance, and economy in the men,-chastity, modesty, prudence, and domestic habits in the women, were regarded as the most probable elements of prosperity and happiness; and it was the object alike of parental vigilance and legislative foresight to provide for the developement of these useful dispositions. How far such a theory was correct, as it applied to the men, it is not now to my purpose to inquire; my business, at the present writing, being with the women. It would, indeed, be but idle dalliance with the reader to descant largely on the male branch of the subject, even if it came within the scope of this article; since examples abound within every man's reach, to illustrate the causes of masculine success. Can any one, for instance, look for a moment at the constitution of his Majesty's ministry (I like that epithet mightily, for one cannot, with any conscience, call them the people's ministry, and it is not good manners to designate them as the slaves of the Dukery)-it is impossible, I say, to look at his Majesty's ministry, and to contemplate the genius, knowledge, probity, disinterestedness, candour, and love of liberty of the men in power, without the justest appreciation of the sort of connexion that couples merit with advancement, in political life. Then, again, there is the bench of Bishops!" think of that, Master Brooke." There, if you will, is a theme that might provoke an appetite for analysis; but though the bishops do wear petticoats, and though they are accused by the O'Connels and the Shiels of a tendency towards anility in their modes of thinking, they are not women, (more is the pity, the Church owes a great deal to the ladies, and now-a-days, when it is, as we are told, in such danger, a St. Clair, or a St. Theresa on the bench, might be very profitable to that palladium of the British constitution). Although, therefore, I hate a Presbyterian, as an orthodox churchman should do, worse than poison," I must, for the present, take leave to set their Right Reverences on one side; and foregoing my inclination to dissert, proceed without farther digression to the theme of my more immediate speculation. The older moralists, somehow or other, had taken it into their wise heads that the possession of orderly habits, subdued temper, well-regulated affections, discretion, and divers other old-fashioned qualities, which it would be useless to name without an elaborate definition, so completely are they gone by and forgotten, was essential to female happiness-the one thing needful in securing to a woman a respectable station in society; and their whole scheme of education, and all their views, centred in the attainment of this one end. Now, though I freely admit that such qualities may sometimes have their use, if they be not too ostentatiously displayed to the world's gaze, yet are they, after all, but the Frenchman's ruffle without a shirt, the tragedy of Hamlet with the part of the Prince of Denmark omitted, by particular desire, or the balance of European power without our an 66 The Chaperon. upon which cient ally," the Turk. The great point, the main lever female fortunes turn, and about which these silly old twaddlers never gave themselves any trouble, is the manner in which a woman is brought Every body knows that more battles out and produced to the world. are lost in the ring, and more persons shot at Chalk Farm, by bad handling, than by any other assignable cause; and just so it is with the ladies. More girls are thrown away upon penny less blackguards by the fault of their chaperon, than by all the sentiment distilled through the Minerva press; and more virgins are left to pine in single blessedness by bad handling, than by the small-pox. Yet, neither Socrates, nor Seneca, nor Epictetus, nor Plutarch, have written one word de re chaperonica, nor offered a single apophthegm on the art of setting a girl off to advantage. Nothing can show the inferiority of the ancients on the subject of ethics more satisfactorily. The choice of a guardian may be important, the choice of a friend may be influential, the choice of a banker (in these ticklish times, when the currency is changed every session,) is not a matter of indifference; but all these together are but as a drop in the ocean, when compared to the choice of a chaperon. of To render this plain to the uninitiated, they should know, and it is a singular fact in the natural history of the species, that while all other animals arrive at maturity by a gradual developement, passing by slow within and imperceptible steps from infancy to adolescence, the human female remains in a state of perfect childishness, fit only to be pent up the four walls of a nursery, to the last moment of her pupilage; when suddenly, upon some given day, at an indefinite period between sixteen and three and twenty, it is agreed that she shall start into the full bloom of womanhood, and enter at once upon all the functions of a person fashion, and a constituent of bon-ton society. Of all the climacteric periods of life, this is certainly the most critical, and accordingly, as it takes place under happy auspices, or is marred by injudicious management, the fortunes of the débutante will most probably be good or ill At this epoch, therefore, her destinies are committed to the protection of a female mentor, termed a chaperon, whose office it is to produce her to the world, with all the pride, pomp, and circumstance, befitting her rank and expectations. A man's place in the red-book does not more immediately result from the manner of his birth and parentage, than that of a woman in the great world depends upon the manner of this her second birth, or "bringing out ;" and woe to the girl who, on this occasion, falls into improper hands! Full many a flower is born to blush, not unseen, but to blush in the eyes of the assembled fashion of the country, for the faults which an unskilful or inactive chaperon has neglected "mute inglorious" old maid bemoans her to eradicate; and many a virginity in the country, who might have shone a bride and a countess, had she been handled with common dexterity at her bringing out. A young woman, at her entrance upon the world, may have all the virtues under the sun, yet, like that sun, they will be invisible to all London, if veiled from the public eye by the impenetrable fog of a stupid chaperon. She may dance like a Terpsichore in vain, if her chaperon knows not how to get her a partner. She may sing like a syren, if the chaperon knows not how to call out her talent with effect. She may have the * "Ancient ally!" Ob, John Bull, John Bull! "Ille sapit qui sic te utitur, omnia ferre si potes et debes." form of a Pauline Bonaparte, and remain undistinguished in the crowd, if her chaperon lets her dress like a dowdy; and she may come of the gentlest blood, and be excluded from good company, if her lustre is clouded by the vulgarity of this all-important mistress of the ceremonies. If, indeed, a girl be rich, riches may excuse a good deal-even a frump of a dowager for a chaperon: but then, if that dowager understands not her business, or neglects what belongs to her calling, the heiress will as little fetch her value in the market as an old picture in the hands of a modest auctioneer. A perfect chaperon is a character comprising so many qualifications, that unless nature and fortune combine to give the world assurance of the thing, it is ninety-nine times in the hundred un rôle manqué. The happiest dispositions may be rendered worthless, by want of sufficient influence in the beau monde; and all the advantages of rank, wealth, and fashion, may be thrown away upon an idiot, or a poco-curante. To be an efficient chaperon requires varied knowledge, quick perceptions, great presence of mind, perseverance, promptitude, and a perfect abnegation of self. A chaperon should be a little Machiavelli in her way; artful to plot herself, and clever at unravelling the plots of "fearful adversaries." She must understand all the different modes of setting matrimonial traps for "good men ;" and she must be vigilant to avoid falling into the traps of men who are not good. Her place in society must be decided, and her fashion undisputed. She must not owe her entré at Almack's to favour and intrigue; still less must she be excluded, like the Duchess of N-, for irredeemable mauvais ton. Being in the world, she must know all who move in it: she must have a nose for an heir at his most distant approach; and nerve to cut a younger brother, or a marching ensign, under the most unpropitious circumstances. In dress, she should be a deeper connoisseur than a Victorine or an Herbot; and she must know how to combine to a nicety the maximum adaptation to personal peculiarities, with the minimum departure from the banalities of fashion. In ethics, she must be a second Aristotle; fully alive to the atrocity of cheese, and sensitively abhorrent of the vice of malt drink. She must be able to direct her charge in the minutest particulars of established etiquette. She must know how many grapes a lady should eat at the horticultural breakfast; and at what precise moment it is safe to enter an opera-box. Never should she suffer the female committed to her care to be entrapped into cordiality, even with a first cousin; nor allow her to indulge in the impropriety of refusing a glass of wine, when properly solicited.* Above all things, however, she must know how to regulate her own conduct, and to hit the precise line which separates the doing ample justice to her charge, from that obvious and indelicate pushing forward of beauties and pretensions, which at once marks her own roture, and sets all well-disposed beaux upon their self-defence. Forewarned is fore-armed; and nothing so effectually spoils a game, as too obviously to play the whole of it. The neglect of this golden rule is the besetting sin of underbred chaperons, especially with such as have passed their lives in a garrison-town, who are apt at every turn to exclaim to "Tom of ours," or "Will of yours," "I can't think what you men are about!" It is a great pity this custom is going out. The drinking wine with a lady was a marvellous helv to bashful bachelors. The Chaperon. or," It's a great shame you don't take to yourself a wife!"-or, "Look at that lovely creature, with her two thousand pounds, dying for a husband!", while the poor girl is ready to sink into the earth with confusion; and the said Tom or Will sneers and takes snuff, and drawls out "Tenth arn't connubial." This is showing your cards to the whole table, and wondering that you don't make the odd trick. Less common is the opposite fault of indifference to the matrimonial interests of the chaperonée, of awkwardly letting slip good opportunities, and losing a fish for want of giving him sufficient line. In such cases, much may be done by an appropriate dinner, a judicious dance to a piano-forte, or a well-timed pick-nick to Windsor Forest, just as the gudgeon rises to the hook. Many a fine girl is bolted, unsuspectingly, with a sandwich; and many a match that stuck in the throat, finally washed down with a glass of champagne. It is a terrible oversight to commit a debutante to the care of a cha peron who has not yet resigned all remaining pretensions of her own. A dull suspense from all personal pleasures and pains is essential to the functions of a chaperon. Your middle-aged lady, if she cares to make herself agreeable, is ever an overmatch for the chits of girls, and infallibly throws them into the back ground: first, because she has more conversation; secondly, because it is of a freer description; thirdly, because she takes more pains to interest her man; fourthly, because there is more to be expected from her; and "lastly and to conclude," because she is a safer speculation. Let such a chaperon's intentions be as pure as friendship can desire, human nature will prevail, self will take the precedence, and female vanity will not abandon an innocent flirtation of its own, to draw out Missey, and fix the wandering attention of the beaux upon the silent doll who sits mum-chance and neglected at a corner of the sofa. For similar reasons your wit makes but an indifferent chaperon. She invites the men to admire her protégée, but she retains them to admire herself. Madame Recamier, beautiful as she was, had no chance in the society of her friend Madame de Stael; much less will a simpering, dancing, blushing beauty of sixteen, be able to make head against the attraction of brilliant conversation, even in a chaOnce, and but once," have I known a chaperon of five and forty. peron turn her wit to good account, using it always as subservient to the great end of her being; and only entrapping her listeners to provide partners for her young friends. In this she succeeded to admiration; and no female in the whole season wore out so many silk shoes as the much-envied protégées of this very vivacious lady. But the worst of all possible chaperons is a regular blue; for, none but the worst sort of men will venture to approach her. Dulness lies like lead upon her society. Even methodism is better than this; for provided a girl has but a little money, the Methodists are a "connubial" sect. There is indeed seldom a want of young parsons of all creeds, "pale, mild, and interesting," or fresh-coloured and presuming. A sectarian husband is better than no husband at all. With the blue-stocking chaperon, marriage is out of the question; unless a girl is fool enough to run off with the footman ; or, what is worse, with some hungry inditer of good matters, ycleped If love flies out of the window, when poverty "gorgeous poetry." comes in at the door, it will be glad to escape, even up the chimney, from the pedantry and pretension of a true Lady Di Indigo. It is also a desperate speculation to trust a girl to a chaperon who has daughters 66 of her own. Seldom, indeed, will such persons undertake the charge. Mothers have a rooted dislike to other people's married daughters, and feel no affront so sensibly as their getting the start in the market of Hymen. When the offer is made by a mother to take your daughter out "with her own girls," be sure that nothing is intended but to obtain a foil for them. Even on these terms, the intruder is not safe; for though maternal vanity will rest satisfied of the general superiority of its own precious brood, yet a girl seamed with the small-pox may have good teeth, or a fine voice, or she may dance well, or be engaging; and unspeakable is the jealousy which this will breed in the bosom of a genuine mamma, when displayed to the detriment of her own children. The rivalry of opera singers is nothing to that of mothers; and a chaperon, so situated, must be another Griselda to abstain from dressing the stranger with the sole view of heightening her daughters' charms by the force of contrast. At best the protégée is second only in consideration, and must be contented to sit still till her companions are all amply provided with partners. But if the men should show an unlucky preference, and bestow upon her an unforeseen exclusive attention, indifference will be turned to hate, and thousand sly artifices will be tried to spoil her market. The part of a chaperon requires more virtue than can well be expected from humanity, even where no such sinister interest stands in the way. If it be hard for a young chaperon to play second fiddle, it is no less so for an old one to run the rounds of dissipation, and to sit up, night after night, without any personal object. Generally, persons thus circumstanced take refuge in cards. But this is by no means to be justified. A card-playing chaperon is as bad as no chaperon at all. While she is coquetting with great Cas, who knows but her young charge may fall into the possession of a country curate, or an attorney's clerk, who, to gratify his own vanity, will parade her through the whole room without mercy; and then her reputation for bon ton is gone for ever; to say nothing of the risk of a serious attachment, where the girl's education has been so far neglected, as not to have rooted out all natural affection. Not, however, but that cards, judiciously managed, may be turned to good account. They afford an excellent excuse for a convenient absence, when the charge is in proper hands, and it is desirable to give the man an opportunity. Voltaire, in the preface to his "Catiline," observes that "personne ne conspire aujourdhui, et tout le monde aime," a curious contrast with the present state of France, by the by. But if times are completely changed in that country, they are no less so in England; and, in a certain sense, we may say also in London, that " personne n'aime aujourdhui, et tout le monde conspire." There are more conspiracies to marry than love matches, a thousand to one; and this makes the part of a chaperon the more difficult to discharge. The line to be observed in bringing out a girl differs materially, according to her fortune and expectations. Girls of wealth and consideration have a right to look high, and should never be suffered to derogate from that lofty, composed, and compassed demeanour, which belongs to the suprême bon genre. But where there are "no mopuses," and "my face is my fortune, Sir, said she," some dash is admissible. The dress may be a little flaunting, the behaviour a little free, and dancing after supper may be carried to a farther extent than is becoming in young women who can trust with safety to their three per cents, or have a husband snugly impounded |