"you fay is very juft," to an oppofite fentiment from another; and I have frequent ly made him contradict himself five times in a minute. As the weather is a principal and favourite topic of a mighty good kind of man, you may make him agree, that it is very hot, very cold, very cloudy, a fine funshine, or it rains, fnows, hails, or freezes, all in the fame hour. The wind may be high, or not blow at all; it may be Eaft, Weft, North, or South, South Eaft and by Eaft, or in any point in the compass, or any point not in the compafs, just as you pleafe. This, in a ftage-coach, makes him a mighty agreeable companion, as well as a mighty good kind of man. He is fo civil, and fo well-bred, that he would keep you standing half an hour uncovered, in the rain, rather than he would ftep into your chariot before you; and the dinner is in danger of growing cold, if you attempt to place him at the upper end of the table. He would not fuffer a glass of wine to approach his lips, till he had drank the health of half the company, and would fooner rife hungry from table, than not drink to the other half before dinner is over, left he should offend any by his neglect. He never forgets to hob or nob with the lady of the family, and by no means omits to toast her fire-fide. He is fure to take notice of little mafter and mifs, when they appear after dinner, and is very affiduous to win their little hearts, by almonds and raisins, which he never fails to carry about him for that purpose. This of courfe recommends him to mamma's esteem; and he is not only a mighty good kind of man, but fhe is certain he would make a mighty good husband. No man is half fo happy in his friendfhips. Almost every one he names is a friend of his, and every friend a mighty good kind of man. I had the honour of walking lately with one of thefe good creatures from the Royal Exchange to Piccadilly; and, I believe, he pulled off his hat to every third perfon we met, with a “ How "do you do, my dear Sir?" though, I found he hardly knew the names of five of thefe intimate acquaintances. I was highly entertained with the greeting be tween my companion, and another mighty good kind of man that we met in the Strand. You would have thought they were brothers, and that they had not feen one another for many years, by their mutual expreffions of joy at meeting. They both talked together, not with a defign of op pofing each other, but through eagerness to approve what each other faid. I caught them frequently, crying, "Yes," together, and " Very true," "You are very "right, my dear Sir;" and at last, having exhaufted their favourite topic of, what news, and the weather, they concluded with each begging to have the vast pleasure of an agreeable evening with the other very foon; but parted without naming either time or place. I remember, at Weftminster, a mighty good kind of boy, though he was generally hated by his fchoolfellows, was the darling of the dame where he boarded, as by his means the knew who did all the mifchief in the house. He always finished his exercife before he went to play: you could never find a falfe concord in his profe, or a falfe quantity in his verfe; and he made huge amends for the want of fenfe and fpirit in his compofitions, by having very few grammatical errors. If you could not call him a fcholar, you must allow he took great pains not to appear a dunce. At the univerfity he never failed attending his tutor's lectures, was conftant at prayers night and morning, never miffed gates, or the hall at meal-times, was regular in his academical exercises, and took pride in appearing, on all occafions, with mafters of arts; and he was happy, beyond measure, in being acquainted with fome of the heads of houfes, who were glad through him to know what paffed among the under-graduates. Though he was not reckoned, by the college, to be a Newton, a Locke, or a Bacon, he was univerfally esteemed by the fenior part, to be a mighty good kind of young man; and this even placid turn of mind has recommended him to no fmall preferment in the church. We may obferve, when these mighty good kind of young men come into the world, their attention to appearances and externals, beyond which the generality of people feldom examine, procures them a much better fubfiftence, and a more reputable fituation in life, than ever their abilities, or their merit, could otherwife intitle them to. Tho' they are seldom advanced very high, yet, if fuch a one is in orders, he gets a tolerable living, or is appointed tutor to a dunce of quality, or is made companion to him on his travels; and then, on his return, he is a mighty polite, as well as a mighty good kind of man. If he is to be a lawyer, his being fuch a mighty good kind of man will make the attornies fup Ply ply him with fpecial pleadings or bills and anfwers to draw, as he is fufficiently qualified by his flow genius to be a dray-horfe of the law. But though he can never hope to be a chancellor, or an archbishop, yet, if he is admitted of the medical college in Warwick-lane, he will have a good chance to be at the top of their profeffion, as the fuccefs of the faculty depends chiefly on old women, fanciful and hysterical young ones, whimsical men, and young children; among the generality of whom, nothing recommends a perfon fo much as his being a mighty good kind of man. I must own, that a good man, and a man of fente, certainly should have every thing that this kind of man has; yet, if he poffeffes no more, much is wanting to finish and complete his character. Many are deceived by French pafte: it has the luftre and brilliancy of a real diamond; but the want of hardness, the effential property of this valuable jewel, difcovers the counterfeit, and fhews it to be of no intrinfic value whatsoever. If the head and the heart are left out in the character of any man, you might as well look for a perfect beauty in a female face without a nofe, as to expect to find a valuable man without fenfibility and understanding. But it often happens, that thefe mighty good kind of men are wolves in theep's cloathing; that their want of parts is fupplied by an abundance of cunning, and the outward behaviour and deportment calculated to entrap the fhortfighted and unwary. Where this is not the cafe, I cannot help thinking that these kind of men are no better than blanks in the creation: if they are not unjuft stewards, they are certainly to be reckoned unprofitable fervants; and I would recommend, that this harm less, inoffensive, infipid, mighty good kind of man should be married to a character of a very different ftamp, the mighty good fort of woman-an account of whom 1 hall give you in a day or two. I am your humble fervant, &c. B. Thornton. § 130. Character of a mighty good Sort of Woman. I fuppofe the female part of my readers are very impatient to fee the character of a mighty good fort of woman; and doubtlefs every mighty good kind of man is anxious to know what fort of a wife I have picked out for him. The mighty good fort of woman is civil without good-breeding, kind without goodnature, friendly without affection, and devout without religion. She wishes to be thought every thing she is not, and would have others looked upon to be every thing the really is. If you will take her word, the detefts scandal from her heart: yet, if a young lady happens to be talked of as being too gay, with a fignificant fhrug of her fhoulders, and thake of her head, the confeffes, "It is too true, and the whole "town fays the fame thing." She is the moft compaffionate creature living, and is ever pitying one perfon, and forry for another. She is a great dealer in buts, and ifs, and half fentences, and does more mifchief with a may be, and I'll fay no more, than he could do by speaking out. confirms the truth of any ftory more by her fears and doubts, than if he had given proof pofitive; though fhe always concludes with a "Let us hope otherwife." She One principal bufinefs of a mighty good fort of woman is the regulation of families; and the extends a vifitatorial power over all her acquaintance. She is the umpire in all differences between man and wife, which fhe is fure to foment and increase by pretending to fettle them; and her great impartiality and regard for both leads her always to fide with one against the other. She has a moft penetrating and difcerning eye into the faults of the family, and takes care to pry into all their fecrets, that the may reveal them. If a man happens to ftay out too late in the evening, she is fure to rate him handfomely the next time the fees him, and takes fpecial care to tell him, in the hearing of his wife, what a bad husband he is: or if the lady goes to Ranelagh, or is engaged in a party at cards, she will keep the poor hufband company, that he might not be dull, and entertains him all the while with the imperfections of his wife. She has alfo the entire difpofal of the children in her own hands, and can difinherit them, provide for them, marry them, or confine them to a state of celibacy, just as she pleases: fhe fixes the lad's pocket-money at school, and allowance at the university; and has fent many an untoward boy to fea for education. But the young ladies are more immediately under her eye, and, in the grand point of matrimony, the choice or refufal depends folely upon her. One gentleman is too young, another too old; one will run out his fortune, another has too little; one is a profeffed rake, another a fly finner; and the 3 H 3 frequently frequently tells the girl," "Tis time enough "to marry yet," till at last there is nobody will have her. But the most favourite occupation of a mighty good fort of woman is, the fuperintendance of the fervants: the protefts, there is not a good one to be got; the men are idle, and thieves, and the maids are fluts, and good-for-nothing huffies. In her own family fhe takes care to feparate the men from the maids, at night, by the whole height of the houfe; these are lodged in the garret, while John takes up his roofting-place in the kitchen, or is stuffed into the turn-up feat in the paffage, close to the ftreet-door. She rifes at five in the fummer, and at day-light in the winter, to detect them in giving away broken victuals, coals, candles, &c. and her own footman is employed the whole morning in carrying letters of information to the mafters and miftreffes, wherever the fees, or rather imagines, this to be practifed. She has caufed many a man-fervant to lofe his place for romping in the kitchen; and many a maid has been turned away, upon her account, for dreffing at the men, as the calls it, looking out at the window, or standing at the street-door, in a fummer's evening. I am acquainted with three maiden-filters, all mighty good fort of women, who, to prevent any ill confequences, will not keep a footman at all; and it is at the risk of their place, that the maids have any comers after them, nor will, on any account, a brother, or a male coufin, be fuffered to vifit them. A diftinguishing mark of a mighty good fort of woman is, her extraordinary pretenfions to religion: fhe never mifles church twice a day, in order to take note of thofe who are abfent; and fhe is always lamenting the decay of piety in thefe days. With fome of them, the good Dr. Whitefield, or the good Dr. Romaine, is ever in their mouths and they look upon the whole bench of bishops to be very Jews in comparifon of thefe faints. The mighty good fort of woman is alfo very charitable in outward appearance; for, though the would not relieve a family in the utmoft diftrefs, fhe deals out her halfpence to every common beggar, particularly at the church door; and fhe is eternally foliciting other people to contribute to this or that public charity, though the herfelf will not give fix pence to any one of them. An univerfal benevolence is another characteristic of a mighty good fort of woman, which renders her (as ftrange as it may feem) of a most unforgiving temper. Heaven knows, the bears nobody any ill-will; but if a tradefman has difobliged her, the honeftest man in all the world becomes the most arrant rogue; and she cannot reft till she has perfuaded all her acquaintance to turn him off as well as herself. Every one is with her "The best creature in the universe," while they are intimate; but upon any flight difference" Oh-she was vaftly "mistaken in the perfons;-fhe thought "them good fort of bodies--but-she " has done with them;-other people "will find them out as well as herself: that's all the harm the withes 11 "them." As the mighty good fort of women differ from each other, according to their age and fituation in life, I fhall endeavour to point out their several marks, by which we may diftinguish them. And firit, for the moft common character:-If the happens to be of that neutral fex, an old maid, you my find her out by her prim look, her formal gefture, and the fee-faw motion of her head in converfation. Though a most rigid Proteftant, her religion favours very much of the Roman Catholic, as she holds that almost every one must be damned except herself. But the leaven that rens mostly through her whole compofition, is a deteitation of that odious creature, man, whom the affects to loath as much as fome people do a rat or a toad; and this affectation the cloaks under a pretence of a love of God, at a time of life when it must be fuppoted, that the can love nobody, or rather nobody loves her. If the mighty good fort of body is young and unmarried, befides the usual tokens, you may know her by her quarrelling with her brothers, thwarting her fifters, faapping her father, and over-ruling her mother, though it is ten to one the is the favoure of both. All her acquaintance cry her up as a mighty discreet kind of body; and as the aff cts an indifference for the men, though not a total antipathy, it is a wonder if the giddy girls, her filters, are not married bef re her, which he would look upon as the greatest mortification that could happen to her. Among the mighty good fort of women in wedlock, we must not reckon the tame domeftic animal, who thinks it her duty to take care of her house, and be obliging to her husband. On the contrary, the is negligent of her home-affairs, and studies to recommend herself more abroad than in her own house. If the pays a regular round of vifits, if he behaves decently at the card-table, if she is ready to come into any party of pleasure, if the pays no regard to her husband, and puts her children out to nurfe, fhe is not a good wife, or a good mother, perhaps; but the is a mighty good fort of woman. --a As I difpofed of the mighty good kind of man in marriage, it may be expected, that I fhould find out a proper match alfo for the mighty good fort of woman. To tell you my opinion then-if fhe is old, I would give her to a young rake, being the character the loves beft at her heart:-or, if he is mighty young, mighty handfome, mighty rich, as well as a mighty good fort of wornan, I will marry her myfelf, as I am unfortunately a batchelor. Your very humble fervant, &c. B. Thornton. As you are a mighty good kind of man, and feem willing to fet your prefs to any fubject whereby the vices or follies of your countrymen may be corrected or amended, 1 beg leave to offer you the following remarks on the extraordinary, yet common, behaviour of fome part of our nobility to wards their fometimes intimate, though inferior acquaintance. It is no less common than extraordinary, to meet a nobleman in London, who ftares you full in the face, and feems quite a tranger to it; with whom you have spent the preceding fummer at Harwich or Brighthelmftone; with whom you have often dined; who has often fingled you out, and taken you under his arm to accompany him with a tête à tête walk; who has accosted you, all the fummer, by your furname, but, in the winter, does not remember either your name, or any feature in your face. but will fhun you a few hours after, at court, as a pick-pocket (though you be a man of good fenfe, good family, and good character) for having no other blemish than that your modefty or diffidence perhaps has occafioned your being a long time in the army, without attaining the rank of a general, or at the law, without being called within the bar. I could recite many inftances of this kind of polite high-breed. ing, that every man of little station, who has been a quality broker, has often experienced; but I fhall wave that, and conclude by fhewing you, how certainly to avoid fuch contempt, and even decoy his lordship out of his walk to take notice of you, who would not have known you had you continued in his. The method is this: fuppofe we see my lord coming towards Spring-garden, under Marlborough garden-walk; inftead of meeting him, approach fo near only, that you are certain, from the convexity of his eye (for they are all very near-fighted) that he fees you, and that he is certain you fee and know him. This done, walk deliberately to the other fide of the Mall, and, my life for it, his lordship either trots over to you, or calls you, by your furname, to him. His pride is alarmed; he cannot conceive the reafon, why one, he has all along confidered would be proud of the leaft mark of his countenance, fhould avoid taking an even chance for fo great an honour as a bow or a nod.-But I would not be underflood, that his lordship is not much offended at you, though he make you a vifit the next day, and never did before, in order to drop you for ever after, left you fhould him. This is not conjecture, but what I have often put in practice with fuccefs, if any fuccefs it is to be so noticed; and as a further proof of it, I do affure you, I had once the honour of being fometimes known to, and by, feveral lords, and loft all their friendship, because I would not let them know me at one time very intimately, at another, not at all-for which lofs I do not at all find myself the worse. I am your humble fervant, B. Thornton. I fhall not attempt to defcribe the pain fuch right honourable behaviour, at firit niceting, gives to a man of fenfibility and fentiment, nor the contempt he must conceive for fuch ennobled beings. Another clafs of thefe right honourable intimates are indeed fo far condefcending, as to fub- §132. On the Arrogance of younger Bromit to own you a little, if it be in a corner of the ftreet; or even in the Park, if it be at a distance from any real good company. Their porters will even let you into their houfes, if my lord has no company; and they themselves will receive you very civilly Sir, thers of Quality. Though it is commonly faid, that pride and contempt for inferiors are ftrongly implanted in the breafts of our nobility, it must be allowed, that their politeness and 3 H4 good good-breeding render it, in general, imperceptible; and, as one may well fay, He that has pride, not fhewing that he's proud, Let me not know it, he's not proud at all, one may also affirm, with truth, of the British nobility, that he who has no pride at all cannot fhew lefs than they do. They treat the meaneft fubject with the greatest affability, and take pains to make every person they converfe with forget the diftance that there is between him and them. As the younger brothers, and other near relations of the nobility, have the fame education, and the fame examples ever before their eyes, one might expect to fee in them the fame affable behaviour, the fame politeness. But, ftrange as it is, nothing is more different than the behaviour of my lord, and my lord's brother. The latter you generally fee proud, infolent, and overbearing, as if he poffeffed all the wealth and honour of the family. One might imagine from his behaviour, that the pride of the family, like the estates in fome boroughs, always defcended to the younger brother. I have known one of thefe young noblemen, with no other fortune than this younger brother's inheritance, above marrying a rich merchant's daughter, because he would not disgrace himself with a plebeian alliance; and rather choose to give his hand to a lady Betty, or a lady Charlotte, with nothing but her title for her portion. I know a younger brother in a noble family, who, twelve years ago, was fo regardless of his birth, as to defire my lord his father to fend him to a merchant's counting-house for his education; but, though he has now one of the beft houfes of business of any in Leghorn, and is already able to buy his father's eftate, his brothers and fifters will not acknowledge him as a relation, and do not fcruple to deny his being their brother, at the expence of their lady-mother's reputation. It always raifes my mirth to hear with what contempt these younger brothers of quality fpeak of perfons in the three learned profeffions, even thofe at the top of each, The bench of bishops are never diftinguished by them with any higher appellation, than-thofe parfons: and when they fpeak of the judges, and thofe who hold the first places in the courts of juftice, to a gentleman at the bar, they fay-your lawyers and the doctors Heberden, Addington, and Afkew, are, in their genteel dialect, calied-thefe phyfical people.Trade is such a difgrace, that there is no difference with them between the highest and lowest that are concerned in it; they rank the greatest merchants among common tradefmen, as they can fee no difference between a counting-house and a chandler's fhop. They think the run of their father's or their brother's kitchen a more genteel means of fubfiftence than what is afforded by any calling or occupation whatsoever, except the army or the navy; as if nobody was deferving enough of the honour to cut a Frenchman's throat, but persons of the first rank and distinction. As I live fo far from the polite end of the town as Bedford-row, I undergo much decent raillery on that account, whenever I have the honour of a vifit from one of these younger brothers of quality : he wonders who makes my wigs, my cloaths, and my liveries: he praifes the furniture of my house, and allows my equipage to be handfome; but declares he discovers more of expence than tafte in either: he can difcover that Hallet is not my upholsterer, and that my chariot was not made by Butler: in fhort, I find he thinks one might as well compare the Banquetting-house at Whitehall with the Manfion-houte for elegauce, as to look for that in Bedford-row, which can only be found about St. James's. He will not touch any thing at my table but a piece of mutton: he is fo cloyed with made dishes, that a plain joint is a rarity: my claret too, though it comes from Mel. Brown and Whitefoord, and no otherwise differs from my lord's than in being bought for ready money, is put by for my port. Though he politely hobs or nobs with my wife, he does it as if I had married my cook; and fhe is further mortified with feeing her carpet treated with as little ceremony as if it was an oil-cloth. If, after dinner, one of her damask chairs has the honour of his lordly breech, another is indulged with the favour of railing his leg. To any gentleman who drinks to this man of fashion, he is his moft obedient humble fervant, without bending his body, or looking to fee who does him this honour. If any perfon, even under the degree of a knight, fpeaks to him, he will condefcend to fay Yes or No; but he is as likely as Sir Francis Wrong head to say the one when he should fay the other. If I prefume to talk about any change in the ministry before him, he discovers great surprise at my ignorance, and wonders that we, at this end of the town, fhould differ fo much from the people |