Where does the most coffee come from? The Waldorf.

What is the difference between anthracite and bituminous coal? Seven dollars.

How is artificial silk made? By artificial silkworms. (Fooled you, Mr. Edison!)

What is coke? A filler.

Where do we get shellac? From oyster shells. (We aren't quite sure, though.)

Where is Kenosha? Surrounding Main Street. Where do we get tin from? Detroit.

What is a monsoon? A French official.

What is felt? (Lampy refuses to answer this question.)

What business do you like best? Your business, Mr. Edison, of course.

Who composed Il Trovatore? Why Lydia Pinkham certainly, who else?

Where do we get wool from? Sheeps. (Didn't you know that, Mr. Edison?)

Where is platinum found? Tiffany's.

What kind of a machine is used in cutting facets on diamonds? A facet cutter.

Where do we get borax from? Twenty mule

teams.

Who invented the cotton gin? Ha, that's a

great question!

"Who is this woman who is taking in everybody in town?"

"Black Maria."

The Subway Rider

By Willie Wigglejavelin (Poetic license 13)

nuts.

Of what is brass made? One Eli + 2 Rosemary Fitzgerald.

To what is the change of seasons due? The Board of Overseers.

Who discovered how to vulcanize rubber? Vulcan. (What a stupid question, Mr. Edison.) What planet is it that has been recently discovered and found to be of enormous size? Beetlejuice.

Who wrote Home Sweet Home? Anybody hard up.

Now can we get a job, Mr. Edison?

Kroll's Work-Klothes-Union made-adorn
his frame,

He bot his hat at Ra mond's for a dollar,
And Penn sells him his flowers for his dame.
O'Sullivan's and 2 in 1 for shoes,

A Radiolite he wears, and I've heard tell
He smokes Coronas. Apple's what he chews
And Dr. Caldwell's Syrup keeps him well.
On Pats and Buddy Buds and such he feeds,
Washed down with La Touraine, the perfect tea.
Neighborhood Stores supply him all he needs.
(He reads his transfer on the back, you see)
More wholesome diet might be beans and rice,
But then, he always takes the best AD-vice.

A

How To Be Aborginal The Latest Thing in Marriage Ceremonies The Canibal Carnival VERY novel way and striking effect can be obtained by copying the marriage exclusive rights of the ancient and honorable society of cannibals. The bride's costume is a most dazzling affair of beads, grass, and other non-essentials, while a tall silk hat is most becoming for the groom. The ceremony begins when the interlocutor enters disguised as an alligator. The end men now sing "Here Comes the Bride," two baby kangaroos acting as flower girls. The groom and the best man shoot craps for the ring which is generally in the shape of a brassier or hoop skirt, and may the best man win. The climax of the occasion is reached when the minister is nicely boiled and served in due proportions to the rest of the guests.

Tete A Tete

BETSY was back from boarding school and

she sought romance. She looked for its coming each day and was disappointed. Society had given her a formal welcome and she had seen its broadcloth backs and glittering fronts. But she had felt nothing, and her heart was acheing. Mother had heard her say so to the Pekinese and she telephoned the doctor next day while Betsy slept.

Mother went out to luncheon and at four o'clock Betsy came down for tea alone. The doorbell rang and she danced to the mirror. A gentleman entered whom Betsy did not know. He crossed the room, shook hands with her pleasantly and drew up a chair. Betsy was thrilled!

"I suppose you've been going about a lot this winter," he began.

"Why, yes, I have," she said, and wondered excitedly where he could have seen her.

"And how are you feeling now?" he asked. "Beautifully!" said Betsy. "How are you?" He looked at her keenly, and she beamed back. "All right, do you sleep at night?"

"Why, yes-I do," smiled Betsy, "don't you?" She heard him sigh.

"And do you dream?"

"Oh!-sometimes-" she said, and sighed in

turn.

He was silent for a time and watched her. "Well, you have plenty of color," he remarked. "Oh!" said Betsy, and blushed.

He drew his chair nearer.

"Have you ever had any trouble with your heart?"

Betsy dreamed at him through her lashes and whispered: "Once,-on the top of a mountain,a sudden affection-"

"What sort?" he asked with interest.

Betsy lowered her eyes. "Why, the regular sort, I guess. Don't you know?"

Betsy's heart was filled with mingled emotions and she moved to the piano. She gave him the moonlight from her last sonata, but he arose and followed her.

"You haven't had feelings in your heart since?" Betsy shook her head.

"And your appetite is good?" She smiled over her shoulder. "Then-"

Betsy turned from the piano and raised brilliant eyes.

"Then-?" she breathed.

"Then open your mouth and say a―h." "Say what?"