the little boy as making a bow to his uncle's wig, which he happened to see on its peg in the Dean's dressing-room. I know too well, that when Dr. Randolph, Professor of Divinity at Oxford, kissed hands, as the phrase is, for his bishropric, King George III. said to him, "You have got no wig! Don't you mean to have a wig?" And on the new-made prelate's answer in the negative, the King insisted, "You must have a wig.' The mandate was not obeyed.-I have heard, too, of a Somersetshire peasant lad, who went with his father to the county-town at the time of the Assizes, to see the Judge. He gazed at the Judge, who happened to be in a state of quiescent attention; the lad's admiration was almost sated; the Judge changed his posture" Father! father! its alive!" exclaimed the boy. In my youth, a physician could have done with out his Latin, as well as without his wig. Yet physicians have abandoned the wig, and are considered by the world as wise as heretofore. Solon with a wig on, would be degraded from a legislator to a Punchinello. Hogarth himself would have considered it irrelevant to represent St. Paul preaching at Athens in the costume adopted by the twenty-six successors of the apostles in the southern part of our island of Great Britain." Anecdotiana. JOHN BULL INDISPOSED. A Sunday or two ago, at a church in Cambridgeshire, the following was actually given out by the officiating clergy A PRUDENT PARSON, living by the Lord Chancellor, waited A certain divine being presented with a upon him to make the proper acknowledgments for the favour. The Chancellor and his lady rallied him upon remaining heard it reported, that having now a house, a bachelor, and the lady added, she had he very soon intended having a wife. "No, Madam," replied the bachelor, not so; his Lordship has given me plenty, and it is my own fault if I have not peace." A WITTY SWEEP. J.W.B. A neat pun is the cream of wit, and a bright indication of a clear and brilliant intellect; as was evinced in a chimneysweep boy in London, who was turning a corner at the same time, in an opposite direction with a neatly dressed soldier going upon duty, while the boy was covered with soot. "Get out of the way, you blackguard," says the son of Mars. "Blackguard!" says the boy, "" what was you before you was boiled?" Here would have done credit to any poet in was rapid thought and genuine wit, that England. None but the deriders of puns need be told, that lobsters (the nickname of British soldiers) are black previous to boiling, which operation turns them redso that enlistment and a scarlet coat was boiling a blackguard. Nor was that all; the chimney brat was the live black lobster in his natural state, the soldier a dead creature, in an unnatural state. ROMANTIC CHOICE IN A WIFE. -man, to the amusement of a large portion ▲ CONCORD-ANT ANECDOTE OF CLEMENTI'S of the congregation:-" The prayers of the congregation are desired for John Bull, who has long been in a sick and declining state." For the Olio. Muzio Clementi obtained his lady in rather a singular and romantic way. A pretty, rosy-faced girl, of two or three house in which the great musician was and twenty, happening to go to the warebusying himself, and unaware of his presence, asked for one of the workmen, to whom she was directed. As soon as she P.R.J. WILKES. A gentleman once apologizing to a company for not joining in conversation, said he was afflicted with a cold in his head, and when that was the case, he was always heavy, dull and stupid. "Upon my soul, then," replied Wilkes, "you are very much to be pitied; for you must have been afflicted with that same cold in your head ever since I knew you, which is more than twenty years. Diary and Chronology. Wednesday, Sept. 16. St. Lucia and Gemianus, mar. A.D. 432. High Water, Morning, 53m after 4-Afternoon, 13m after b. J.W.B. He was Sept. 16, 1519.-Expired on this day, of the sweating sickness, at the age of 53 years, the pious Dr. John Colet, Dean of St. Paul's, and founder of St. Paul's School. learned, accomplished, and opulent. Erasmus honoured him so highly, that he called him "his master," and celebrated his character in one of his "Colloquies," under the name of Gratianus Pullus. To Colet, Linacre, Lily, and Grocyn, is owing the revival of literature in England, and, in consequence, the reformation of religion. Thursday, Sept. 17. St. Columba, Virgin, martyred a. D. 853. Sept. 17, 1802.-Died on this day of a slow and gradual decline, Richard Owen Cambridge, ÆT. 85, author of the "Scribleriad," a poem designed to ridicule false taste and science, "The History of the War upon the Coast of Coromandel," and many other smaller pieces. Of all the writings of Mr. Cambridge, none tended so much to estab. lish his literary reputation as the vivacious essays which he contributed to that excellent periodical, "The World ;" at the time of their appearance they were universally admired, and they still continue to excite praise for the just insight which they display into character and manners. Friday, Sept. 18. St. Thomas of Villanosa. High Water 21m after 6 Morning-47m after 6 Afternoon. St. Thomas.-Our saint who is considered the glory of the church of Spain, was born in 1488. he obtained priests orders, and in 1545, he was ordained bishop of Valencia, which St. Januarius.-This saint, who was bishop of Benevento, suffered martyrdom during the Dioclesian persecution, A.D. 305, near the town of Puzzioli. Sept. 19, 1356.-Anniversary of the battle of Poictiers, fought between John II. of France, and Edward the Black Prince. In this severe and decisive fight the cool and determined valour of the English entirely overcame the impetuous ardour of their enemies, who became an easy conquest. The flower of the French nobility were slain, and the King with his youngest son surrendered to the Prince of Wales, at whose hands they received the greatest respect and kindness. SUNDAY, Sept. 20. St. Eustachius. (FOURTEENTH SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY.) Lessons for the Day.-Morn, Jerem. chap. 5-Even, Jerem. chap. 22. Moon's Last Quar, Oh 6m. St. Eustachius. Our saint, with his wife Theodora, and his two sons Agapius and Theodore, were martyred during the reign of Adrian. Sept. 20, 1586.-On this day Anthony Babington and thirteen other conspirators were executed with great barbarity, for conspiring against Queen Elizabeth, in St. Giles's Fields. Babington and his fellow-conspirators were apprehended at Uxendon, near Harrow in Middlesex. Monday, Sept. 21. St. Matthew. Sun rises 52m after 5-Sets 7m after 6. St. Matthew.-This saint closed his life at Nadaboer in Parthia, A.D. 60. The Jews observe this day as a kind of festival, on account of the spies that brought an evil report of the Holy Land; for the history of which see Numbers, chap. 13. Tuesday, Sept. 22. St. Maurice and others, mar. A.D. 286. High Water, 55m after 10 Morning-30m after 11 Afternoon. Sept. 22, 1415.-On this day Henry V. with a gallant army and a considerable fleet, besieged and took Harfleur, which town he treated as Edward III. did Calais. He turned out all the inhabitants, and by giving away the houses, soon filled the place with English inhabitants. Henry V. was perhaps the first King that had ships of his own; two of these, which sailed against Harfleur, were called, 'The King's Chamber' and 'The King's Hall,' they had purple sails, and were large and beautiful. Ellustrated Article. SALBRANCH AND ABLENAZER. For the Olio. DURING one of the great fairs held at the city of Franckfort, a mountebank ven der of sovereign remedies for every known disorder-except death, acquired more than common celebrity, not only by the splendour of his booth, but also by his catering liberally for the amusement of the public, by exhibiting on his stage, independent of a Merry Andrew nearly seven feet high, a dwarf of deformed aspect, who was a standing mark for the jeers of the multitude. Five days had nearly passed since the fair had commenced, and the mountebank doctor was reaping a rich harvest at the expence of credulity; while Salbranch, the dwarf, had stood the practical jokes of hundreds during the time with all the firmness of a stoic. On the latter day, a large monkey, the only property of the dwarf, having been greatly maltreated by the Jack-pudding, to excite applause from the gaping crowd, Salbranch, in a frenzy 10 VOL. IV. M of rage, dashed at him with his enormous head, and hurled him headlong from the high scaffold on the stones beneath, where he lay senseless from the effects of the blow and violence of the fall; the dwarf's head having acted like a battering ram against the huge stomach of the giant Merry Andrew. The consequence to the dwarf was the next moment nearly similar, for, being himself overbalanced by the effect of his blow, his body quickly followed over the edge of the scaffold, but without harm; and as all was confusion during some minutes among the assembled crowds, he took this opportunity for escaping. Once clear of the multitude near the scaffold, Salbranch paused for a few moments, to think what was best to be done under present ills, and he quickly decided on immediate flight. Having at length reached one of the city gates, he sought shelter in a neighbouring wood; where, safe from pursuit and overcome with fatigue, he threw himself on the grass. The monkey, who had nimbly followed his master, came up, and imitating the dwarf's action, was soon on the 94 ground beside him, leaning his head upon his paw, and looking very sorrowful and grim. The dwarf now wept at the thought of his troubles, while Jacko seemed by his looks to participate in his sorrows. "Wretch that I am," said Salbranch aloud, "I am marked but for scorn!" The monkey, at this moment, began to chatter. There is another creature formed like me to be the sport of all," continued he. "You stand not alone the scoff of men," said a muffled figure, who stood over against him, and had approached unseen," I am an Israelite; and when I mention my nation, you know the rest." "Yes," said the dwarf, 66 you bear a name which Christians abhor: what would you with me?" "You are in tribulation, I will take you to my home, yes, you and your monkey," said the Hebrew. "To make a show of us, for gain, like the mountebank, and, perchance, prove a worse master. A Jew will do any thing for gold," continued Salbranch with asperity. "You may have heard so,” returned the Hebrew mildly. "Nay," said the dwarf, "you sold Him who"Be silent, young man. Near seventeen hundred years of your reckoning have passed, can I be answerable who did not exist? Look to the mercy of Christians, are you too not hated?-do you not stand the finger-mark of scorn ?-while I, at least, am respected among my tribe and nation. Thou art far more wretched than myself." "You speak truth,-but you are a Jew, and Jews are faithless, "returned the dwarf. "Scorn begets scorn," said the Hebrew "where no faith is expected, what wonder if deception follow? But what Christian dare impeach the word of a Jew, when given to the unfortunate, and, perchance, the criminal?" "I am no criminal," said the dwarf. "But the wretch you hurled headlong from the scaffold is sore wounded, and dying, and you may soon be one in the eyes of all Franckfort," retorted the Jew. On hearing this fatal news, the dwarf gave a deep groan of anguish, while the Hebrew continued," A prison will be your present doom; and, friendless as you are, what man shall stand by you on the day of trial?-None; and that body shall be presented at no distant day to the glutted sight of a blood-thirsty multitude, flung from a gibbet, and writhing in its last agonies." "I am a wretched miserable outcast," cried the dwarf, suffering in imagination all the horrors of a violent death. "I am doomed to misery-leave me." "It is that thou art wretched, even for that cause, I have sought thee; hadst thou been happy, Ablenazer's eye of pity had not rested on thy mishapen form,' said the Hebrew. "Perchance you would be of the first to deliver me into the fangs of justice. Depart and denounce me, the reward will doubtless be worthy a Jew's acceptance,' said the dwarf, maddened by a sense of his wrongs. While he was yet speaking, Jacko, as if he understood what was passing, leaped suddenly beside where the Hebrew stood, and looking up to him imploringly, gently took hold of his flowing robe. "Senseless man," cried the Hebrew, "shall this animal judge of my heart better than thou?-behold, the creature arrests my course." Jacko now quitted his hold of the Jew's garment, and springing again beside his master, seized hold of his clothes, and pulled with all his might, chattering violently; which second act of the creature's was decisive, for Salbranch now rose and followed the Jew to the skirts of the wood in silence, while Jacko bounded around him at a great rate, as if to show his joy. It being as yet only dusk, the Jew took off an under cloak of his own, and placed it over the body of the dwarf, to screen him from observation. Emerging from the wood, they at length arrived at the Jew's dwelling, which was a gloomy building of some extent, having in its front a court-yard with a high wall towards a lane, and a large garden, or rather orchard, also surrounded with lofty walls, communicating with the high road by a large door, well studded with nails and plates of iron, to give it strength. By this door the Jew entered, followed by the dwarf, with his monkey under his cloak. It was now perfectly dark, and the hum of the busy multitude was no longer heard. "Remain under the shade of yonder buttress," said the Jew, pointing to the wall, "while I go forward and see if no lurking eye be near." Saying this, he disappeared amidst the high, rank grass and trees which grew near the spot; while Salbranch crouched beneath the shadow of the buttress pointed out to him. The clock of a neighbouring convent had noted three hours to have passed away since the Jew entered his dwelling, and the dwarf slumbered heavily from fatigue; but was now awakened by Jacko's strenuous though silent efforts; for he chattered not as usual, but appeared alarmed at something which had attracted his notice. Sal branch, therefore, raising himself, looked cautiously around him. He now heard men conversing in a low tone, the sounds appearing to come from the other side of the wall, only a few paces from him. From words that now dropped, he discovered that their object was murder and pillage; and that they were about to scale the wall by a ladder of ropes. Salbranch, although stunted in growth, and otherwise deformed, was no flincher in the hour of danger: nature, as if to make up for her unkindness in forming him unsightly to the aspect, had given him a lion's heart, with abilities of no common order. His only means of offence was a sharp case knife attached to his belt, used for various purposes: armed with this he determined to stab each ruffian as he singly descended from the wall, so effectually as to prevent any outcry, and being a gusty and tempestuous night, it favoured his purpose. Jacko was placed beneath a bush, and commanded by his master to lie as if dead, being a trick he had been taught, and which now proved of use, as he would otherwise have probably given an alarm. The first ruffian was by this time mounted on the wall, and while he was looking down at the leap he was about to take, Salbranch, wrapped in the Jew's under cloak, and with his right arm free, slid within a killing distance, and awaited the ruffian's leap. Down he came, and ere he could recover himself received the blade of the dwarf's weapon in his heart, with such sure aim, that he gave but one death-gasp and remained still. "Are you over, Brawlang?" called a voice. "Yes, all's right," answered the dwarf, in a gruff and feigned voice, and a second soon appeared on the wall, and then made his last leap; but this time the dwarf made more sure, for having thrown back his cloak, he grasped the robber's throat while he gave the stab. A third robber died under the knife,the fourth and last now stood upon the wall. "Where are you all ?" cried he; "I hear you not; Brawlang, answer me "They are gone forward," cried the dwarf in the same gruff tone of voice. |