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On the 15th of this month our three dear boys were inoculated for the cow-pox. .O LORD, grant thy blessing in what we have done! I trust, in faith and dependence on thee, and with much prayer for success. I am sure, unless the LORD be favourable to us in this important matter, it will answer no end. I can truly say, that with the deep sense I have of his great goodness to me, in sparing the life of my dear William with the measles; that it would grieve my heart to shew by my conduct that, after such a deliverance, I could not trust him in the present instance: but I view this as a mean put into our hands, for the benefit of these dear charges committed to our trust, and for whom we ought to act in all respects as appears best for the improvement of their minds; and the preservation of their lives and health: with such ideas as these, had they catched the small pox, which is now much
in the town and very fatal; though I might have been convinced that there is no evil in the city that the LORD hath not done, yet I cannot but think, we should have been verily guilty in not availing ourselves of a discovery for the prevention of this disorder, which appears to be very wonderful indeed.
January 3, 1801.
Another year is begun. Who can tell what scenes our eyes may behold before the close of it ? LORD prepare us for every change, and by every change prepare us for thy dear self. When domestick comforts may
for wise reasons be interrupted, Oh may it ever lead me to thyself! Thou Blessed Fountain of unchangeable happiness, by every dispensation bring me near to thee. Teach me properly to estimate all created good, and to hold it with a loose hand, and still looser heart. LORD, make me what thou wouldest have me to be; and whenever
I depart from thee in any respect, enable me to apply to the blood of sprinkling for cleansing, and to thy Holy Spirit for restoration and firm establishment. With the new year, Oh for warm desires for God! For close communion with him, both in se-, cret and publick ordinances, and for direction in the management of every concern!
March 27. St. Peter's.
Hither by the good pleasure of my
GOD was I brought on the 23d of this month, with my dear children all in perfect health. Oh what an inestimable mercy ! This time twelvemonth was a season of the sharpest affliction I have ever known; and to this
recollection of it is too apt to fill my heart with sorrow. The impression has indeed been deep and lasting; but it is all well. I hope I am not wrong in indulging officious memory, in bringing to my mind those images of grief, which my good
and gracious God saw fit to remove, by the restoration of my beloved William. Why then “not return unto thy rest, O my soul, seeing that the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee?” I think I can say from my heart the words of the cxyi Psalm. St. Peter's, and particularly this
room in which I write, has witnessed many of my sorrows and joys before that truly distressing period of my child's illness. Here I have experienced the uplifting of my heavenly Father's countenance, and here also I have mourned his absence, whilst I have felt strong conflicts with the enemy of souls. Here have I spent a long period in darkness, as it respected providential concerns; and here have I also rejoiced in delivering grace. Judgment and mercy have I alternately sung of in this very room; and can I call to mind such interesting circumstances, and not feet sensible emotion? Oh let them be of
gratitude and deep humility, that my mercies
have been continued so long, and that I have improved them no more to the glory of that God whose I am, and whom I serve.
Yesterday I returned from my pleasant visit at St. Peter's to my comfortable habitation. Oh for a more grateful heart to God, and all my dear friends, for the great kindness I received while there ! But I did not there, any more than here, feel my heart so devoted to God as I could wish; nor do I feel such strong aspirations, such pantings after him as I desire, and as I have before experienced. What is the cause ? I am at no loss to answer. My sinful self, my depraved corrupt will and affections continually war, and sometimes seem to get ground; so that I am constrained to acknowledge, “what I would not, " that I do, and do that which I allow not,” and leave undone what I ought to do. Oh sin! what hast thou done? Oh to be rid of