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LORD smiles upon us.
Our dear offspring, now all with us, are in health and thriving: The heavy complaints to which (having never had them) they are constantly exposed, sometimes lie heavy on my spirits; but I humbly hope and pray that the LORD may be with me, if ever he calls me to walk through that furnace of affliction. Nay, while I am writing, my faith and confidence triumph under a blessed assurance that he will. Has he wonderfully supported me when severing the, till then, flourishing branch from the root? Can I recollect such seasons, the best of my life, and ever doubt of his being at all times, as he was then, my ready and present help in time of need ?
Oh what an indebted creature I am! Mercies in every thing that I enjoy! Oh that I could but make some suitable, though never adequate, returns! But I daily feel such short comings, as make me to abhor
myself in dust and ashes. In myself, Oh wretched that I am ! but in every thing else, who so happy!
In about a week our little maid, who has been with us three years and a half, is to leave us.
All her ill conduct I frankly forgive her, and hope she may yet grow up to be an useful and valuable member of society. I confess I feel more than usual on these occasions, as her best interest has always been near my heart, and I fear she better herself in the most important things. From motives of conscience, I have been very particular with her in many respects; and I humbly hope and trust that some piece of advice or other may find place in an unthinking mind, and yet prevent her feet from running so eagerly into sin, as might otherwise be the case. But this I must leave, and commit her into the hands of that God who
made her, and is able to make her his; an event which would afford unspeakable pleasure to my soul. To Him I commend her in prayer; as well as my very dear husband, beloved children, and unworthy self.
I must never, no never, with so many mercies, complain. I welcome all myself ; but when my relatives are afflicted, then
“ but as for these lambs, what have “ they done ?” Mine is the sin, be mine the sorrow.—My own health and strength are as good as ever.
I feel daily I need much wisdom to bring up aright my dear children in the fear, nurture, and admonition of the LORD. How often do I exclaim, under a feeling sense of incompetence for this important office, LORD, who is sufficient for these things ? Rightly to correct and reprove, and always in a right spirit, is on all accounts very desirable.
August 13. Oh when shall I get rid of sin ? Truly my soul longs for holiness of heart, life, and conversation. I find at times evil tempers have the ascendancy, in a way that makes me ashamed of myself. We seem to ourselves and appear to others, to be very pleasant and good-tempered, when we have no trials; but how sadly do I behave myself when things run counter to my wishes ! How much are we indebted to the Holy Spirit, that these dispositions are in any measure restrained ! or how vile we should be, who can tell ? LORD, forgive all my sin ! I feel always sad short comings, and am not, what I trust I most ardently wish to be, conformed to the glorious image of my
blessed Lord and Master. Oh, when shall that happy day arrive, when, leaving with a final separation all sin and sorrow, I shall be introduced into the presence of that God I
love? Oh that my desires for it were more fervent !
August 19. Oh that I could but serve the LORD as I · wish to do! But I must feel the conflict
here—This is the place of warfare-None of this when we get to heaven. Then
“ Shall all my pow'rs find sweet employ."
Now they are grovelling too much below. But there remains a rest, a blessed rest for the people of God. Thither doth not my soul aspire ? But for my beloved husband and the tender babes, surely there is nothing here worth living for, or being concerned about; unless I should be an instrument in the least degree of bringing glory to his name. Then for me “ to live is CHRIST, " and to die, gain.”