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minded, watchful over my wicked, wretched self, and patient in tribulation, being truly resigned to the will of the LORD! Even so, Amen and Amen.
I have paid my usual visit, and been brought home again in peace, health and safety. What truly valuable blessings! Oh that I hadbut more soul prosperity! I can enter into the feelings of our dear pastor, when he
prays that the LORD would not give us all our good things here. It would be a sorry portion indeed, for one longing after an enduring substance. I want to live here below more above: not to be cast down, nor overjoyed at temporal things; but to be more and more concerned to set the LORD always before me, that I may dread more than death (if that be possible for me,) to sin, or offend in the least against him. May I henceforward, live more than ever devoted
to his service ; so that I may bring glory to him by being transformed into the lovely image of the dear LORD JESUS.
I am just now going from homem that my God may go with and protect me every step of my way, now, and through the whole of this wilderness, till he bring me home to glory; and make me in some way or other useful to my fellow-creatures, and altogether what he would have me to be!
I know not how it is that the LORD can possibly bear with my many provocations. When he brings me out of trouble, or rather while I am in it, I say, well, if I am but delivered out of this, I will never doubt him any more; but how shamefully contrary do I act! As soon as any thing of the
like nature occurs, so soon, do I behave in the same distrusting manner : and in this, the enemy greatly helps me, by pointing out to my terrified imagination, that there is something more formidable and dark in this trial, than in any of those through which I have been brought, and that it is no wonder I fear now, &c. &c.
The LORD is God, and not man, or he never could put up with the rebellion of my heart against his dispensations.
April 9. Thus far the LORD hath brought me on. Oh for a truly grateful and thankful heart ! I am now under a trial, and rather a dark
providence. I desire and wish for wisdom to act a right part ; to be resigned to his will, and in every respect to adorn the gospel. Oh, for holiness of heart and life! This is what
my soul breathes after, and what I long
for. Nothing short of transformation into the lovely image of Christ will satisfy me. When shall I awake up with his likeness?
So far as I see the present trial to be the will of the LOKD, so far may I cheerfully submit! But may I never call that submis- . sion, under this or any other trial, which is only occasioned by insensibility, or want of proper feeling 'under the cross 1 To-morrow is the Lord's day-Oh for a heart to serve him! Oh for a soul fired with love to Jesus! Jesus-what a charming sound !
April 30. I pray
that the LORD will be pleased to keep me, in my present circumstances, from being lifted up by any appearance of a favourable nature; and that he
that he may continue to guide and direct us in this very important matter, keeping our minds stayed upon him, and giving us at length, a happy and expected end out of all our present difficulties : especially that he will give to his unworthy servant much wisdom and prudence; that I may behave consistently in every situation he may
have in reserve for me. He knows how greatly I dread myself-I feel so unfit for this world !-so unfit for a better ! 'Oh that a thorough reform may take place, and, however matters may be determined, as to worldly things, may my soul be kept alive to him, and enjoy daily sweet communion with him! This is a time for prayer, that I may be enabled rightly to conduct myself, especially to that dear boy who shall be under
my charge. May I act towards him as I should wish another to do by mine, were I called to leave one behind!
Oh how shall. I conduct myself in life? To act, I mean, in every respect, as becomes