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my dear ?) that God
?) that God may be gracious, and spare a forfeited life, if it be his heavenly will, one devoted to himself, and the advantage of relative ties and connexions.These bear with accumulated weight at such a time as this.- Is there any thing too hard for the LORD ?-He is able to deliver in the sharpest trials; and I have no reason to doubt but he is also willing.--Well then“What time, I am afraid, I will endeavour, - to trust in him.”—Oh, that he may support me with a rich enjoyment of his heavenly presence !-May the eye of my faith view the bleeding Lamb, who suffered not for himself, but for such an one, I humbly hope, as worthless me!-He sweat great drops of blood—mine will be but the briny tears of natural and deserved sorrow.-Oh, for patience to bear and suffer as a sinner ought to do, as a christian ought to do, when reflecting that every pain is, the fruit of covenant, unchangeable love !.-I feel myself in a very
dependent state ; at different times the subject of widely different feelings, though on the same occasion.--How much have I to be thankful for !—The continued health of my much loved husband and children, and innumerable other comforts and enjoyments. I would not have quarrelled with you, if the mistake in the direction had been carried on. Thus have I perfectly undesignedly lengthened out my scrawl: forgive all that is too long, and ever believe me, with unfeigned affection,
Your's, my dear ,
Margate, 10th October, 1801. My last to you, my dear — , I am sure needs an apology; I am really afraid you would scarcely be able to make it out; this
threatens to be as bad, for my pens do not serve me well at all; I have no resource at present.—I left off very abruptly yesterday, by necessity, as perhaps Mr. - , may have told you ; I had not leisure to read it over. I hope you have by this time had all the satisfactory accounts you wished for, with regard to the delightful day of ordination.--Ah, if you had but been present! how I longed for you all the day through ! but so was not the will of the LORD, as now evidently appears. Do not make it long now before you come, let me intreat you. Might I have a wish, it would be to welcome you here, and sit down at the LORD's Table with you, under the administration of — , before the painful moments, to which, with sometimes anxious feelings, I look forward.—Oh, that we may have an eminently good day! you know we ought to begin well. “Let us praise him for all that is past, and trust him for all that's to come.'
That is living like a christian.-What made the ordination day so delightful ? Because the LORD was present; and he is by no means confined to such a service as that, but just as able to bestow favour in an ordinary as in an extraordinary way.—'Oh, that we may always wait upon him for all we feel we want, &c. May that petition of Mr. —, be answered !- Oh, that a praying people may hold up the hands of their ministers!'--For one, I can answer, that when it is the best with my own soul, the cause of God always lies uppermost : when I can plead for myself, then I can most fervently pray for ministers and people, husband-children—dear friends and connexions, &c.—But, on the other hand, If I feel indifferent to my own soul's concerns, I can seldom plead with such earnestness for others: this has been generally, though not always the case with me. I have great reason to be thankful that I feel myself pretty well in health; strength equal to my day; so it will be all the way through life, and so it will be in the article of death.—Oh, to have God for our God! an interest in him is far better than all the riches of the universe.—To say, 'The Saviour lived and died, and pleads for me'-what, so animating and cheering amidst prospects, the issue of which no mortal can tell?—this I trust is in a happy measure my case. I know in whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that he is able to keep all that I daily desire to commit to him, against that day, let it be of affliction, death or judgment.--I hope you give ine the proof I ask of your love to me, I mean that you pray for me, my dear , that God inay be with and support his unworthy creature.—You can only guess at the trials of my situation. Such a husband, and such children !-Can I conscientiously say I have a desire to depart ?–I cannot, but I do ardently desire patience and resignation to the LORD's will.