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Dispositions like these, arising from humble simple dependence on the mercy of God, through the righteousness and atonement of the Saviour, (on which all her hope of acceptance was solely and entirely grounded) constitute the genuine christian character, and the truly excellent and amiable member of society. May the writer, and every reader of these memoirs, be found among the followers of those who, “through faith “and patience now inherit the pro“ mises!”
August 11, 1791. It is surely in vain to look for happiness in this world, and from the creatures which inhabit it ; since they are all in a state of mutability, and each proclaims vanity to the spectator. In this search of happiness, too often hath my soul been found, when I have felt too, how very unfriendly all worldly things have proved to my spiritual advancement, or growth in grace. But there is another dangerous error in which I often feel myself bewildered ; a cleaving, an overattachment, to something in my own breast;
something that I have done, attained, or suffered. And here the LORD is pleased, graciously pleased, to disappoint me. Perhaps I had almost forgotten that, after having done all, I am but an unprofitable servant ! I hope, however, that I am now convinced that there is nothing of mine that can render me acceptable to that God with whom I have to do, and from whom I desire to receive eternal salvation, not as a debt, but as a free gift, to me the most unworthy recipient of it. And Oh! that while I am sojourning here below, I may prove, I may witness, that his loving kindness, manifested to my soul, is better than all the blessings of life! Oh that Christ Jesus may be precious to my soul ! To them that believe, he is so. Oh, that I could but love him as I wish to do! That I might see sin, as exceeding sinful, and the ways of God to be the
ways of pleasantness, and all his paths peace. Even so, Amen.
I have often reason to complain of myself; but perhaps never more real occasion than at present. I feel, that after all the search I have made into the word and will of God, my depraved understanding was never more at a loss to comprehend the simplest, the plainest doctrines of his word than now! Oh that he would vouchsafe his blessed Spirit to enlighten me! I want faith—it is the gift of God. For want of this, how soon does my spiritual enemy gain an advantage over me! tempting me sometimes to doubt the reality of those blessed truths, which I hold and desire to retain with the greatest veneration. It would be a great mercy, would the LORD answer my prayer, and take from me that reasoning spirit, I too often feel inclined to. I should deem it the greatest privilege, to be enabled to believe the record God hath given of his