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ledge my sin; that the remembrance of it, with every other, may be truly grievous to me, and that I may learn to intreat more earnestly, that the LORD would not in any wise leave me to myself; but that he would uphold me in the paths of righteousness, and not enter into judgment with me, his unworthy dust ; for, “ in his sight shall no “flesh living be justified.”. Glory be to his name, that he is not extreme to mark what is done amiss, but that “there is forgiveness so with him, that he may be feared.” Yet, would I not sin that grace may abound. Gud forbid !
May 1. Once more am I permitted in this way, to bear my testimony, that the LORD is gracious. Truly have I proved it so from my own experience. “When I said my foot “ slipped, his mercy held me up.” I have much to remember with gratitude to my
God already; and I hope and trust that I shall yet have cause for thankfulness. Oh, if he would be pleased, in granting the desires of my heart, as to temporal concerns, still to keep me humble and watchful, that I
may more than ever glorify him in body and soul which are his. Surely then, if I am ever brought into a state of prosperity, and there kept from halting, I shall believe assuredly, that the Lord is my Keeper. I see some indeed, of whom I entertained a good opinion, so led away by the riches of this world, that it makes me afraid of myself. May it never be my case, to have a full hand and an empty heart, nor (as Agur says) to possess riches, and deny my God! neither in any degree to deny him by a shyness of those who really belong to him, and yet are placed in the safer state of poverty.—Many are my fears at times, on this particular, as well as that I shall not be fit for the due discharge of the duty incumbent on me. I
hope not to rush uncalled, into a new situation ; and I would believe, with all my fears, that the path of duty is the path of safety.
May 20. Lord's Day Morning. Surely if I can speak, if I can write any thing to the praise of my God, there can be no unseasonable time. And I have, O yes ! I have indeed, much to acknowledge with gratitude to him. I have, as usual, been before him at the accustomed time; and though I cannot say, I found myself so much alive to him as I could wish, I had, I hope, the blessedness of hungering and thirsting after him. It is a pleasant thing to be sensible of our need. The LORD grant that I may more and more see my own wickedness, and be enabled to apply to that Physician who has balm for the sin-sick soul! May he be pleased to carry me through this Sabbath, and in it, give me an earnest and prelibation of an eternal happy one to come!
May 25. To the close of another day, the LORD my God hath brought me; and hitherto he hath preserved me from bringing any disgrace upon my profession, and hath kept alive and in exercise, that spark of grace which he first implanted in my heart. Many a time I have said in my folly, that it would die, that it would never survive such and such trials from one and the other quarter : but though I cannot say how the work has been carried on, as to any sensible growth in grace that I have experienced, yet I should be one of the most ungrateful creatures on earth, were I not to acknowledge that he has often revived the work in my soul when it has appeared to be in a declining state ; and has thus proved that his almighty grace is an incorruptible "seed, which shall abide in the Christians' heart, till they are bid to enter into the perfect joy of their
LORD. O blessed period ! Quicken and invigorate, O LORD, the desires of my soul, that I may no longer be cleaving to the dust, but be joyfully looking forward to the change that awaits me, when “ this mortal shall “ put on immortality,” and even death itself shall be swallowed up in victory; and I shall be made more than conqueror through Jesus Christ, who has loved, lived, and died for me. LORD, strengthen my faith rightly to believe these glorious truths !
May 31. LORD, what are all my professions of love and gratitude towards thee, if I do not really feel a thankful heart? They are but hypocrisy. I do pray and intreat that I may not . be deceived when I say, I desire to praise thee for thy late kind interference in behalf of my dear mother. Thou didst rescue her from the jaws of death! My faith was sorely put to the test. I had a trial before, in part