at home, and disposed to be funny during the long and tedious days of slow-coach journey by one-horse power. One day, as they were all on deck, and the lawyer, who had a hat full of papers on his head, was playing checkers with the captain, the doctor shouted suddenly, Bridge! low bridge!" The lawyer dropped his head; off went his hat, with all his papers flying into the water. All enjoyed the joke greatly, as the bareheaded lawyer had to jump ashore, and with a boat-hook fish his documents out of the canal, and then pursue the boat and get aboard as well as he could. He owed the doctor one, and felt bound in law to pay him. A CORRESPONDENT in Michigan sends us a merry account of a sleigh-ride which turned out more unfavorably to the parties than they anticipated. He writes: In the afternoon the fat doctor, wearied of sitting, wanted to "stretch his legs" on the tow-path. The "When the sleighing was in fine condition, a boat was steered near the shore; he made a despe- party of four gentlemen, rather jovially disposed, derate leap, and landed on all fours. But the risk was termined on visiting a kindred spirit who lives some so great that he said he would walk to Albany rath-fifteen miles out in the country, on one of the plank er than attempt to jump aboard. What was to be roads diverging from the city. A fast team and done? The captain told him to go ahead, and swing a fancy sleigh were procured, and the party, with down from the next bridge, and he would give the all the necessaries for such a trip, started, singword when to drop. The doctor did as he was told. ing 'Dixie' and chiming in the chorus to the jinThe boat came under. "Captain," said the lawyer, gling of the sleigh-bells. One of the party had "let me give the word, and I'll treat the crowd." found a pass over the road they were going for Rev. "Done," said the captain. Slowly the boat moved Mr. Taylor and team when on ministerial business.' under the suspended man. "Don't drop till we give This pass they determined to offer at the toll-gates the word," cried the captain. Just as the boat clear- on the way, and thus obviate the inconvenience of ed him, "Now drop!" shouted the lawyer, and down making change. Such a party in representing themwent the doctor plump into five feet of water. selves as clergymen on ministerial business' was considered a joke big enough to run the risk of undertaking. Like a hippopotamus, the heavy man of medicine waded to the bank; and the boat held up while the lawyer went ashore, gave his hand to the doctor, pulled him out, whispering, "We're even now!" "Accordingly linen handkerchiefs were improvised for white cravats, and as the party approached the first toll-gate they assumed very solemn visages and THE "notis" joke is getting stale, but the follow-warmly discussed the Emancipation question. This ing contains a feature entirely novel. It is posted on the door of a "store" among the pineries of Huron County, in Michigan: Notes is Hirby given to the person or persons Who stoll a bag out of my back kiching last saturday nite that if hee or shee dont return it soon they cant hav eny more Whiskey of me walter Hume Pinnepog jany 6th 1862 A FRIEND in Philadelphia, writing to the Drawer, says: "At a young ladies' seminary in our city, a few days since, during an examination in History, not one of the most promising pupils was thus interrogated: "Mary, did Martin Luther die a natural death ?' "No,' was the prompt reply; 'he was excommunicated by a bull!'” threw the gate-keeper off his guard, and with a very polite 'All right, gentlemen!' the gate was opened, and on they went. The next gate was reached in due time, after three or four stoppages for the purpose of warming up, when the Emancipation question was dropped and the subject of foreign and domestic missions substituted. Here they were again successful, and on they went to the next warming place, where they found some half dozen individuals standing around the fire, all of whom were invited to take 'suthin,' and all of whom complied with the invitation with one exception. This person, who started off with a horse and cutter, happened to be the attendant of the next toll-gate. The party did not recognize him at first, and the pass was handed to him with all possible solemnity. "Rev. Mr. Taylor and team on ministerial business,' said the gate-keeper, scrutinizing the gentlemen with the keenest glances. Can't come that on me,' and he returned the pass: 'there ain't no re ONE of the army correspondents of the Drawer ligion in the party, I'll be bound. You'll have to pay tells a good thing that rivals the Irish : "It is the custom of the Colonel of our regiment (Eighty-fifth Pennsylvania Volunteers) to make the rounds every night in person, and satisfy himself that every sentinel is at his post and doing his duty. A few nights ago, while in discharge of this self-imposed duty, he approached a post, and received the challenge as usual, Who comes there?' "Friend with the countersign,' was the reply. "Here the poor sentinel was at a loss. The rest of his instructions had been forgotten. The Colonel is a very particular man, and insists that every thing shall be done exactly right. So after spending considerable time in the endeavor to impress the 'role' upon the mind of the sentinel, suggested that he toll clear from town before you can get through my gate; strikes me that I met you at the tavern just below a few minutes ago,' he continued, as the toll was paid him. This was a damper the party had not calculated on, and which completely spoiled their joke. As they were passing through the gate-way, the wife of the toll-man was heard to say, 'I don't believe there's one of that party ever seed the inside of a meeting-house!'" IOWA Courts of Justice have as legal a claim on the Drawer's attention as any of the older States. A learned member of the bar writes: "Smart men peopled the Territory of Iowa, and among them was one Bates, a shrewd, but withal boastful character from New York. Bates's particular hobby was the fact that no man had ever sold him, and no one ever could. Unfortunately for him, there lived and ruled in the town of Burlington old Squire Fales, sharper by one degree than Bates. One cold blustering March day Bates was brought before the Squire on a charge of 'having willfully and maliciously defrauded' a neighbor to the tune of fifty dollars. Some flaw in the papers was taken advantage of, and Bates (he was his own counsel) moved to dismiss the case. 'Look you here, Mr. Bates,' sung out the old Squire, we make laws and correct flaws in this country; and'-turning to the constable-take this fellow out and give him thirtynine on the bare back!' Mr. Bates paid the fifty dollars and costs, and the last seen of him the floating ice was bearing away a passenger singing, 6 "Oh, ain't I glad to get out o' de wilderness!' "A better than that occurred in Squire Overton's office: A man was 'brought up' on a charge of unrighteously pounding sundry and divers inhabitants. Only six witnesses were called, three of whom swore positively that they saw the blows given, and three swore as positively that they didn't see them given. 'Oh, very clear case,' cried the Squire; 'very clear; evidence equally balanced; and turned the parties out of doors and the spectators to immense laughter." AN old lady, who had apparently not long to live in this world, requested her daughter to teach her a song of some kind, as she had never learned to sing, and did not know one tune from another. Her daughter was curious to know what had put such a notion into her mother's head at such a time of life. "Oh," said the old lady, "what a pretty creature I would be to go to heaven with never a song on my lips!" In some of the religious denominations they license young men to preach, and let them preach on trial some time before they ordain them. At a church meeting in Campbell County, Kentucky, there arose quite a discussion as to ordaining a licentiate who had not succeeded very well so far; and Elder Douson settled the matter by moving that he "be required to remain six months longer in his present licentious condition!" JIM DUMMER is a tall, red-headed Texan, whose education was on the prairies, for he never saw a school-house in his boyhood. He got a new brand for his cattle, and had the two letters A. G. put on, as one of his neighbors had them! One day he took up a newspaper in a tavern, and pretended to read it, though he did not know enough to hold it right side up. Pretty soon he cried out, "They've had an awful storm on the Gulf; there's more than twenty ships bottom upwards!" THE doctors help us as little in the Drawer as any other set of men. Are they so taken up with the sick that they never laugh nor make others? Or do they fear that all the readers of the Drawer will laugh and grow fat, and never want any pills or powders? They rarely write for the Drawer, and probably rarely read it, poor fellows! But our friend Dr. Jones sends us a letter he has received from a man who used to work for him, but has now gone to live in the country: "February 20th 1862 Dr Jones dear friend I inform you that all my children is sick with the hooping cough i have had to be up with them evry night for two weeks there is two of them that can not set up long at a time and there is no doctor here that can do any thing for them you are the best physition that i ever heard of or tried and i would be very much i would be verry thankful if you would send me 5 dollars obliged to you if you will write to me what to give them and i will come there next fall and pay you in work for it i hope you will write to me in receit of this letter so no more at preasant but remains yours respectfully "To Dr Jones "When this you sea remember mee." THE duties of a good deacon used to be defined to be this: "To travel with the minister and pay all the bills." But the editor of the Examiner—an excellent Baptist newspaper of this city-being called upon by a correspondent to define their duties, replies: "One of their duties, we think, is to see that their pas tor is provided with a pair of India rubber pants, to be used in baptizing; and no better articles of the kind are made than those of Hodgson's, the price of which is ten dollars a pair." And another editor, doubting the validity of baptism administered by the aid of India rubber, asks whether "John the Baptist brought one of these 'articles' with him from the 'wilderness beyond Jordan?' or the Ethiopian eunuch had a 'pair' in his baggage?" OLD PARSON RIVES, down in Tennessee, was sent by Conference to preach to the negroes in a distant part of the State. He was a man of very dark complexion, but would never have been mistaken for a negro. Meeting one of the saucy overseers, the parson entered into conversation with him, and said, "Perhaps you do not know me; I'm Mr. Rives, the negro-preacher." "Oh yes," said the fellow, "I knew you was a negro, but I didn't know you was a preacher." The PARSONS, a lawyer in Chicago, was trying a case before a jury, being counsel for the prisoner. judge was very hard on him, and the jury brought in a verdict of guilty. Parsons moved for a new trial. The judge denied his motion and remarked, "The Court and the jury think the prisoner a knave and a fool." Instantly the counsel replied, "The prisoner wishes me to say he is perfectly satisfied-he has been tried by a Court and jury of his peers!" In our army at the West, one of the officers, whose duty it was to furnish the guards with a password for the night, gave the word "Potomac." A German on guard, not understanding distinctly the difference between the B's and P's, understood it to be "Bottomic;" and this, on being transferred to another, was corrupted to "Buttermilk." Soon afterward the officer who had given the word wished to return through the lines, and approaching a sentinel, was ordered to halt, and the word demanded. He gave "Potomac." "Nicht right; you don't pass mit me dis way." "But this is the word, and I will pass." "No, you stan," at the same time placing a bayonet at his breast in a manner that told Mr. Officer that "Potomac" didn't pass in Missouri. "What is the word, then?" "Buttermilk." "Well, then, 'Buttermilk.'" "Dat is right; now you pass mit yourself all about your pizness." |