Tranio. O, you needn't go far. You may make yourselves comfortable inside. But now listen, all of you. First thing you do, shut the house up; don't you make the least whisper of noise inside, any more than if no living creature was in the house. Philol. All right. Tranio. And mind that nobody answers, let the old man pound away at the door as much as he likes. And send me the key that I may lock the front door. Philol. I leave everything to you, Tranio. [Eccount all but Tranio. [Enter Boy with key.] Boy. Master says please try and frighten old master some way, to keep him from trying to come in. He's coming, he says. Tranio. Tell him I say he won't venture even to look at the house: he will wrap his cloak round his head and flee incontinently. Give me the key. Go in and shut the door: I'll lock it. So: now let the old man come when he likes. SCENE II. THEUROPIDES. TRANIO. [Theuropides advances to the altar that stands by the door. Tranio hides in the vestibule.] Theur. I am very heartily thankful to you, Neptune, that you let me escape alive, though it was but with the skin of my teeth. And now, if ever you catch me putting foot on shipboard again, you may do your worst and welcome. From this day out I stick to dry land. Tranio [aside]. Neptune, old fellow, you missed it when you let that chance slip. Theur. And now here am I at home again, after three years' absence. I dare say they will be glad to see me. Heigh! What's this? The house shut up in broad daylight? Let's knock. Hallo! will anybody open the door? Tranio. Who is this at our door? Theur. Ah, there's Tranio. Tranio. O Theuropides! Welcome, master, welcome back. I'm so glad you've got home safe. And are you quite well? Theur. Quite well, thank you, Tranio. But have you folks all lost your senses? Tranio. Lost our senses! Why? Theur. That you keep outside the house. Nobody seems to be within at least nobody opened nor answered, though I nearly kicked the door down. Tranio. What! You don't mean to say you touched the house? Theur. Touch it? Of course I did. Don't I tell you I nearly kicked the door down? Why shouldn't I touch it? Tranio. You touched it? Theur. I touched it, and I kicked it. You are sure Tranio. You don't know what you've done—it's awful. Come come away from the house - come over here to me. you touched the door? Theur. How in the deuce could I kick it and not touch it? Tranio. Well, you've done the worst day's work you ever did in your life! I shouldn't wonder if it ruins you and the whole family. I don't believe you will be able to expiate such a thing. Theur. What upon the face of the earth do you mean? Tranio. It has been seven months since we moved out, and from that time to this no living mortal has set foot in the house. Theur. But why 2... Tranio. Theur. Tranio. see if anybody can overhear us. Look round An awful murder has been committed here. Theur. A murder? How? Who was murdered? Tranio. It was done a long time ago; but we knew nothing of it till then. Theur. Tell me all about it at once, and don't dilly-dally so. Tranio. It was a man I think the man that sold you the house -murdered a guest of his with his own hand. Theur. Murdered him? Tranio. Murdered him: took his money, and then buried him in this very house. Theur. How did you ever come to find it out? Tranio. Listen, and I'll tell you. You see one night-your son had been out to supper and came home late. So he went to bed at once, and we all went to bed; but I forgot to put out the light in his room. In the night he gave a most awful screech Theur. Who did? My son ? Tranio. 'Sh! 'sh! listen. side in his sleep · Theur. In his sleep? He said a dead man came to his bed Tranio. 'Sh! 'sh! listen and told him, the dead man did Theur. In his sleep? Tranio. It would have been hard to tell him when he was awake, when the man had been dead sixty years and more. ask such a question? Theur. Proceed. How can you Tranio. And this is what he said: -"I came over the sea. My name is Diapontius. I dwell here: this is given me as my habitation. Into the lower world I can not enter, as I was bereft of life before the due time. I trusted to faith and was slain by treachery. My wicked host slew me for lust of gold, and buried me, without funeral rites, in this house. Depart thou from hence. Impious is this house, and accursed this habitation! And oh the sights that are seen here, no tongue can tell ! — 'sh! 'sh! Tranio. The door creaked. Didn't you hear a kind of a -? Theur. There's hardly a drop of blood in my veins. The ghosts might carry me off bodily! Tranio [aside]. Plague take them, if they don't keep quiet in there, they'll spoil all. Theur. What are you saying? Tranio. Come away from the door. Go far away, I beg you. Theur. Which way shall I go? Are you going? Tranio. Oh, I'm not afraid. I'm on good terms with the ghosts. Theur. To whom are you speaking? What's the matter with you? Tranio. Oh, was it you called me? I wish I may never-if I didn't. think it was the ghost calling me because you knocked at the door. But why do you stand here? Why don't you do as I tell you? Theur. What am I to do? Tranio. Fly! fly don't look behind you: cover your head with your cloak. Theur. Why don't you fly? Tranio. Oh, I'm on good terms with the ghosts. But Theur. Oh yes: I forgot. But why are you so frightened then? Tranio. Never do you mind me. I'll take care of myself. fly! run! as fast and as far as you can, and as you run, invoke Hercules. [Exit, running. Theur. Hercules, I invoke thee! Tranio. Whew! Jupiter and the rest of the gods! Haven't I got into it now! By jingo! what a lie! ACT III.- SCENE 1. TRANIO. A BANKER. Banker. A worse year for lending money I never knew. I spend the whole day on 'Change, but nobody seems to want any. Tranio. Now I am in for it. This is the fellow that lent us the money we've been spending. I must get rid of him in some way before he falls in with the old man. And by the powers, here comes the old man back! What can he be after? I wonder if he has heard anything? I must get him away somehow; but it is a most fatal go. [To Theuropides, who enters.] Which way are you going? Theur. Why I happened to meet the man that sold me the house. Tranio. You didn't say anything to him about what I told you, did you? Theur. To be sure I did: I told him the whole story. Tranio [aside]. Now I'm in for it, worse than ever.- Did he confess? Theur. Confess? Not a word. Says it's all a lie. Tranio [aside]. All up, as I feared. Theur. What are you saying? Tranio. Nothing-nothing. Tell me: did you tell him all? Theur. Every word. Tranio. And don't he confess it? Theur. Confess? Not a word. Swears it's an infamous lie. Tranio. Theur. Not a fragment. What's to be done now? Tranio. Summon him to court. Find a judge that will believe me, and we'll make short work of him. Banker. Ah, there's Tranio, servant of that Philolaches who will neither pay me principal nor interest. Theur. [to Tranio]. Where are you going? Tranio. I'm not going. [Aside.] All the gods and goddesses have conspired to ruin me. He'll speak to the old man presently, and what am I to do then? I had best speak to him first. Banker [aside]. He is coming to me: looks as if there were some chance of my getting my money. Tranio [aside]. He looks hopeful; but if he thinks I have any money for him, he's much mistaken.-Good morning, Moneytrap. Banker. Good morning. How about my money? Tranio. Out upon you, land-shark! What, stick a pike into me the very first thing! Banker. This fellow has brought no money. Tranio. This fellow must be a wizard. Banker. Where is Philolaches? Tranio. You could not possibly have come at a better time. Tranio. Come this way. Banker. Why don't you pay me my money? Tranio. You need not bawl so loud: I know you have a good voice. Banker. I shall bawl as loud as ever I please. Tranio. You might do me one favor, anyhow. Banker. Tranio. What favor? Please go home at once. Banker. Go home, eh? Tranio. Yes, and come back at noon. Banker. Will you pay me my interest? Tranio. Every penny of it: now be off. Banker. And why should I be off, and have the trouble of coming back again? Why shouldn't I stay here till noon? Tranio. No, no; you go home. Come, I'm not deceiving you. You just go home. Banker. You just pay me my interest. What's all this trifling about? Tranio. O go, man, go, I tell you! Just you do what I say. Tranio. That's right: bawl away: much good it will do you. Banker. I only ask my own. I've been put off long enough with your tricks and your shufflings. If I'm troublesome, pay me my money I'll go, fast enough, I promise you. Tranio. You shall have your principal back. Banker. No, my interest; it's my interest I want. Tranio. Why, you miserable harpy and intolerable muck-worm, what will you do? Do your worst and be hanged to you! He'll pay you nothing, and he owes you nothing. Banker. What? owes me nothing? Tranio. Not a farthing. Is that enough for you? Do you expect him to quit the country on your account? I offered you the principal. Banker. I don't want the principal, I tell you. Theur. You, Tranio! come here. Tranio. I am coming. [70 Banker.] Now don't you be a nuisance: nobody is going to pay you: do what you like in the matter. Banker. I want my interest: give me my interest: pay me my interest at once, you rascal ! Tranio. Your interest and your interest! The miserable skinflint can't speak of anything but his interest and his interest. I think I never saw a more thorough curmudgeon, a greedier shark, in all my days. Theur. What is this interest the man is making such a fuss about? Trario [to Banker]. This is his father just home from a voyage. He'll pay you, principal and interest both. Now don't you be a nui sance, I tell you once more. Are you going? Banker. If he's going to pay me, why not now? Theur. What is it, Tranio? Tranio. What? Who is this man? What does he want? What does he mean by bawling about my son and quarrelling with you? Is anything owing to him? Tranio. Philolaches owes him a little money. Theur. How little? Tranio. About forty minæ. Banker. You don't think that much, I hope? It's little enough, in all conscience. Tranio. Do you hear him? Isn't he a precious specimen of a cormorant? Theur. I don't care what he is or who he is. I want to understand this matter. What is this interest he is talking about? Tranio. Forty-four mina is the whole amount. Say you will pay him, and he'll be off. Theur. I'm to say I'll pay him, am I? Tranio. That's it. You just promise him that. Theur. Hark ye, Tranio, I want to know what's been done with this money. Tranio. Oh, it's all safe enough. Theur. Then if it is safe, pay the man yourselves. Tranio. But, you see, your son has bought a house. Theur. A house? Tranio. Certainly a house. Theur Good! The boy takes after his father. So he's going into business, is he? A house, did you say? Tranio. A house? kind of a house? Theur. To be sure; a house. But do you know what How could I know? Tranio. Oh, it is a house among houses; a very jewel of a house. |