Our friendship with feign'd airs they poorly court,
And boaft, their politics are our support:
Them we 'll confult about this enterprize,
And boldly execute what they advise.

But from below, while fuch refolves they took,
Some Aurum Fulminans the fabric fhook.
The champions, daunted at the crack, retreat,
Regard their fafety, and their rage forget.

So when at Bathos earth's big offspring ftrove
To scale the skies, and wage a war with Jove;
Soon as the ass of old Silenus bray'd,

The trembling rebels in confufion fled.

VARIATIONS.

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Ver. 288. If things of ufe were valued, there had been Some workhoufe where the Monument is feen.

THE

THE

DISPENSARY.

C A N T О

IV.

TOT far from that frequented theatre,

N

Where wandering punks each night at five repair;

Where purple emperors in bufkins tread,

And rule imaginary worlds for bread;

Where Bentley *, by old writers, wealthy grew,
And Brifcoe lately was undone by new;
There triumphs a physician of renown,
To none, but fuch as ruft in health, unknown.
None e'er was plac'd more fitly, to impart
His known experience, and his healing art.
When Burgefs deafens all the liftening prefs
With peals of moft feraphic emptiness;
Or when myfterious Freeman mounts on high,
To preach his parish to a lethargy;
This fculapius waits hard by, to ease
The martyrs of fuch chriftian cruelties.

Long has this darling quarter of the town,
For lewdnefs, wit, and gallantry, been known,

*Two bookfellers.

E

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All

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All forts meet here, of whatfoe'er degree,
To blend and juftle into harmony.

The critics each adventurous author fcan,
And praife or cenfure as they like the man.

The weeds of writings for the flowers they cull;
So nicely tastelefs, fo correctly dull!

The politicians of Parnaffus prate,

And poets canvafs the affairs of state;

The cits ne'er talk of trade and ftock, but tell
How Virgil writ, how bravely Turnus fell.
The country-dames drive to Hippolito's,
First find a fpark, and after lofe a nose.

The lawyer for lac'd coat the robe dɔes quit,
He grows a madman, and then turns a wit.
And in the cloister penfive Strephon waits,
Till Cloe's hackney comes, and then retreats;
And if th' ungenerous nymph a shaft lets fly,
More fatally than from a sparkling eye,
Mirmillo*, that fam'd Opifer, is nigh.

The trading tribe oft' thither throng to dine,
And want of elbow-room fupply in wine.
Cloy'd with variety, they furfeit there,
Whilft the wan patients on thin gruel fare.
'Twas here the champions of the party met,
Of their heroic enterprise to treat.
Each hero a tremendous air put on,
And ftern Mirmillo in thefe words begun :

35

'Tis with concern, my friends, I meet you here; No grievance you can know, but I must share.

* Dr. Gibbons.

20

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}

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'Tis plain, my interest you 've advanc'd fo long,
Each fee, though I was mute, would find a tongue.
And, in return, though I have strove to rend
Thofe ftatutes, which on oath I fhould defend;
Such arts are trifles to a generous mind :
Great fervices, as great returns should find.
And you'll perceive, this hand, when glory calls,
Can brandifh arms as well as urinals.

Oxford and all her paffing-bells can tell,

By this right-arm what mighty numbers fell.
Whilft others meanly ask'd whole months to flay,
I oft' difpatch'd the patient in a day:

With pen in hand I push'd to that degree,

I fcarce had left a wretch to give a fee.
Some fell by laudanum, and some by steel,
And death in ambush lay in
every pill.
For, fave or flay, this privilege we claim,
Though credit fuffers, the reward 's the fame.
What though the art of healing we pretend,
He that defigns it least, is most a friend.
Into the right we err, and must confess
To overfights we often owe success.
Thus Beffus got the battle in the play;
His glorious cowardice reftor'd the day.
So the fam'd Grecian piece ow'd its defert

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65

To chance, and not the labour'd ftrokes of art.
Phyficians, if they 're wife, fhould never think

Of any arms but fuch as pen and ink:

75

But th' enemy, at their expence, fhall find
When honour calls, I'll fcorn to stay behind.

He

1

;

He faid; and feal'd th' engagement with a kiss,
Which was return'd by younger Afcaris *
Who thus advanc'd: Each word, Sir, you impart,
Has fomething killing in it, like your art.
How much we to your boundlefs friendship owe,
Our files can speak, and your prescriptions show.
Your ink defcends in fuch exceffive fhowers,
'Tis plain, you can regard no health but ours.
Whilft poor pretenders puzzle o'er a cafe,
You but appear, and give the coup de grace.

O that near Xanthus' banks you had but dwelt,
When Ilium first Achaian fury felt!

The horned river then had curs'd in vain

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85

Young Peleus' arm, that chok'd his ftream with flain; 90
No trophies you had left for Greeks to raise;

Their ten years toil, you'd finish'd in ten days.
Fate fmiles on your attempts; and, when you lift,
In vain the cowards fly, or brave refift.

Then let us arm, we need not fear fuccefs;
No labours are too hard for Hercules.
Our military enfigns we 'll difplay;

Conqueft purfues, where courage leads the way.
To this defign thrill Querpo + did agree,

A zealous member of the faculty;

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His fire's protended pious steps he treads,

And where the Doctor fails, the Saint fucceeds.

A conventicle flesh'd his greener years,

And his full age the righteous rancour fhares.

*Mr. Parrot.

Dr. Howe.

Thus